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It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. v. 1
People hold different views about the possibility and usefulness of providing tertiary education for the majority of young people. While there are some benefits of university education, I would argue that it would be impractical to do so. On the one hand, university education plays a vital role in the future of young people in this knowledge-based society. Universities provide students with higher career prospects. By entering colleges, students may stand a good chance of bettering their practical skills such as interpersonal and team-working skills. This will allow them to not only perform their tasks more efficiently but also get along well with colleagues. As a result, young people attending tertiary education tend to get a well-paid job in the long run. Moreover, as they can gain more experience through field trips and extracurricular activities during their courses, they may achieve success easily. On the other hand, I would argue that it is impractical that almost all young people have access to tertiary education. Firstly, since some youngsters have to face with financial problems, they may have challenges pursuing a university course due to exorbitant tuition fees. For example, a majority of young people having hardships or difficult situations tend to earn a living in early years with a view to financially supporting or even raising their families. Therefore, not only are they short of money but they are also lack of time to pursue a degree at universities. The second reason is that a large quantity of young people in remote areas do not have the required equipment to study on campus. For instance, students often need computers in order to carry out their projects at schools, which are hard to obtain in such places. Consequently, they might not be able to graduate if they enroll on a course at universities, which prevents some young people in a nation to get access to university education. In conclusion, while university education might benefit students, I still believe that the idea of providing tertiary education for a large number of young people is impossible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the possibility and usefulness of providing tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I would argue that it would be impractical to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this knowledge-based society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with higher career prospects. By entering colleges,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may stand a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance of bettering their practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as interpersonal and team-working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
perform their tasks more
efficiently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along well with colleagues.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attending tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well-paid job in the long run.
Moreover
, as they can gain more experience through field trips and extracurricular activities during their courses, they may achieve success
easily
.

On the other hand
, I would argue that it is impractical that almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Firstly
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with financial problems, they may have challenges pursuing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
course due to exorbitant tuition fees.
For example
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having hardships or difficult situations tend to earn a living in early years with a view to
financially
supporting or even raising their families.
Therefore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they short of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
lack of time to pursue a degree at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. The second reason is that a large quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in remote areas do not have the required equipment to study on campus.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need computers in order to carry out their projects at schools, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to obtain in such places.
Consequently
, they might not be able to graduate if they enroll on a course at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a nation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
might benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I
still
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of providing tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is impossible.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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