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It is natural process when animal species going to extinct. There is no reason for human to try to prevent it.

It is natural process when animal species going to extinct. There is no reason for human to try to prevent it. n171K
It is believed that animal extinction is a crucial part of natural selection; therefore, human should neglect it as much as possible. In my opinion, nature plays the minor role in the process, while the main responsibility have to be blame for the human activities which must be solved promptly. On the one hand, in terms of natural process, the disappearance of some kinds of animal such as dinosaur, or dodos is mainly because of evolution and climate change. The mentioned species could not adapt well to the change of environment by its genetic structures leaded to be removed. In other words, climate change caused ice melted, sea level rose and wiped out habitats of some kinds of animal. That being said, humans must be to blame for animal and its habitats destruction. In details, chief among the reasons of global warming are human activities includes deforestation, gas exhaust, and so on. It is indisputable fact that the use of pesticides and fertilizers has a negative impact on underground insects or the emission released from factories make thick layer of dust in industrial areas. Additionally, rampant poaching and trafficking has deemed as the main culprit for the extinction of some endangered species like rhinos. It is undeniable to say that most of natural destruction comes from the human’s greedy; thus, they must take action to save their mistakes. The governments should hand down the tough punitive sanctions for criminal to minimize the wildlife crime. Furthermore, sanctuaries should be created to look after the neglected animals and preserve their habitats. In terms of agriculture, organic farming should be applied to protect and cultivate the soil nutrition. Then, factories are forced to establish the waste treatment system before throw it into the lakes or oceans. In conclusion, human should be responsible for they are doing and learn the way to treat nature better.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction is a crucial part of natural selection;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
should neglect it as much as possible. In my opinion, nature plays the minor role in the process, while the main responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be blame for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be solved
promptly
.

On the one hand, in terms of natural process, the disappearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
such as dinosaur, or dodos is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of evolution and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. The mentioned species could not adapt well to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of environment by its genetic structures leaded to
be removed
.
In other words
, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
caused ice melted, sea level rose and wiped out habitats of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of animal.

That
being said
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be to blame for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and its habitats destruction. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, chief among the reasons of global warming are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities includes deforestation, gas exhaust, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It is indisputable fact that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of pesticides and fertilizers has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on underground insects or the emission released from factories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
thick layer of dust in industrial areas.
Additionally
, rampant poaching and trafficking has deemed as the main culprit for the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endangered species like rhinos.

It is undeniable to say that
Consider using "most natural" or "most of the natural".
most of natural
destruction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
greedy;
thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take action to save their mistakes. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should hand down the tough punitive sanctions for criminal to minimize the wildlife crime.
Furthermore
, sanctuaries should
be created
to look after the neglected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and preserve their habitats. In terms of agriculture, organic farming should
be applied
to protect and cultivate the soil nutrition. Then, factories
are forced
to establish the waste treatment system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
throw it into the lakes or oceans.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
should be responsible for they are doing and learn the way to treat nature better.
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IELTS essay It is natural process when animal species going to extinct. There is no reason for human to try to prevent it.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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