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Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. v. 3
Global events such as the Olympics, the World cup are the opportunities for the countries to show their pride and uplifts their economy as well. However, some people think that huge amount spent for the events is unjustifiable. I totally disagree with this point and in this essay will outline the positive aspects of these events with suitable examples. To begin with, hosting a sport events become more competitive nowadays. A country wins the chances only by several fights. They consider this is a good time to show their cultures, food, craftsmanship, architectures and other many things to outsiders. In addition, investments, avalanche of business benefits and employments will be grown than ever before by conducting the events. For instance, China conducted the Beijing Olympics in 2008. To celebrate this event and accumulate economic growth, they created a way to attract the companies to put their investments over there on the events. In brief, they got wealthy and sustained place in the developed countries list. Secondly, by conducting sports events, Countrys sport quality, standards and ethical values are increased more. We will get a chance to meet people from other countries on the summit so the values like learnings, strategies and other skill sets have been shared with each other. Moreover, winners are exposed to the media and got an attention from companies for sponsorship. Therefore, they will receive prosperity and put their contribution on the sports than ever before. For instance, Football Giant Ronaldo got 100 million sponsorship and an offer to play in the prestigious Real Madrid club. Consequently, he had become one of the top players and played a significant role in his team. To conclude, mostly developed countries only show their interest in hosting an event. We hope that a history should be changed to conducting a sports summit by developing countries also.
Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics, the World cup are the opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their pride and uplifts their economy
as well
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that huge amount spent for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is unjustifiable. I
totally
disagree with this point and in this essay will outline the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
with suitable examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, hosting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "event"?
events
become more competitive nowadays. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wins the chances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by several fights. They consider this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their cultures, food, craftsmanship, architectures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to outsiders.
In addition
, investments, avalanche of business benefits and employments will be
Use "(grown)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
grown
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
by conducting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
For instance
, China conducted the Beijing Olympics in 2008. To celebrate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
and accumulate economic growth, they created a way to attract the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to put their investments over there on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
In brief
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
wealthy and sustained place in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
list.

Secondly
, by conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Countrys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
quality, standards and ethical values
are increased
more. We will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on the summit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the values like learnings, strategies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets have
been shared
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Moreover
, winners
are exposed
to the media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an attention from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for sponsorship.
Therefore
, they will receive prosperity and put their
The usual preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean "contribution to"?
contribution on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For instance
, Football Giant Ronaldo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
100 million sponsorship and an offer to play in the prestigious Real Madrid club.
Consequently
, he had become one of the top players and played a significant role in his team.

To conclude
,
mostly
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest in hosting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. We hope that a history should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to conducting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
summit by developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
also
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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