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It is more important to have a job you enjoy doing than a job which pays well. How far do you agree with the statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

It is more important to have a job you enjoy doing than a job which pays well. How far Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Many folks think that these days we have a plethora of choices while others disagree with that. But I totally agree with this statement because every aspect of the world has developed than earlier. And people able to choose whatever they want among so many choices. So this essay will agree with this statement. Furthermore, transportation has great development in the present. When focus on the public transport there are a variety of public machines and people can choose the type of transport according to their time and ability. And also, when looking of the vehicle trade, there are an abundance of vehicles to select for people. Fifty years ago, there were a few types of vehicles on the road. But these days there are variety brands with different colours, models and functions. I think the choices have become more complicated than before. In addition to that, education has grown with many changes. Earlier, there were few schools and universities to study for students. And they had not any way to fulfil their education except that. However, students capable of to be successful with their education now. Because there are many procedures to be educated. To illustrate, online courses, tutorials and etc. On the other hand, there are many schools, private universities and other courses. To sum up, some personages think that nowadays people have too many choices. Nevertheless, I agree with that due to every field of the world has improved with many differences and functions without restrict. Therefore, people have to choose their requires, among many choices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these days we have a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
while others disagree with that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every aspect of the world has developed than earlier. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
able to choose whatever they want among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Furthermore
, transportation has great development in the present. When focus on the public transport there are a variety of public machines and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose the type of transport according to their time and ability. And
also
, when looking of the vehicle trade, there are an abundance of vehicles to select for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Fifty years ago, there were a few types of vehicles on the road.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days there are variety brands with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
, models and functions. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
have become more complicated than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In addition
to that, education has grown with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. Earlier, there were few schools and universities to study for students. And they had not any way to fulfil their education except that.
However
, students capable of to be successful with their education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
procedures to
be educated
. To illustrate, online courses, tutorials
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools, private universities and other courses.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that due to every field of the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differences and functions without restrict.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose their
The word 'requires' is not a noun. Did you mean "requirements"?
requires
, among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay It is more important to have a job you enjoy doing than a job which pays well. How far Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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