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) It is more important for students to study science and mathematics than it is for them to study physical education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

) It is more important for students to study science and mathematics than it is for them to study physical education. 2P08M
Many people hold the view that studying science and mathematics is more vital for students than studying physical education. Although there are a number of people who uphold this view, yet, all the civilians approve with the opposite statement that studying science and mathematics aren’t as significant as studying physical education. I will discuss both these views and give my personal opinion. Firstly, as there are still many mysteries in the world, children will be curious and learning sciences complement their knowledge as objects and phenomena. secondly, it helps students increase their critical thinking and reasoning ability after each IQ test or difficult math. Besides that, it helps students more in future jobs, students will have more choices in finding a job with a stable income. By contrast, I tend to agree with the point that studying physical education has more benefits than math and science. Physical education will not only help them in staying physically fit and mentally alert but also save them from various diseases such as obesity, joint pain, heart diseases. Secondly, exercise improves concentration which can be really beneficial academically. For instance, teenagers who exercise regularly are found to be fitter, smarter, more intelligent and more active than their counterparts in activities and studies. Moreover, regularly practicing a physical sport enables a student to improve their soft skill like foster teamwork and cooperation in playing games such as football and basketball. For these reasons, physical education and sport should be focused in all educational institutions for every student. In conclusion, every subject has many good aspects in the field of specialization. However, health is still something that everyone needs. Physical education is not only a subject, but it also makes life happier if all of us have good health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and mathematics is more vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Although there are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who uphold this view,
yet
, all the civilians approve with the opposite statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and mathematics aren’t as significant as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I will discuss both these views and give my personal opinion.

Firstly
, as there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mysteries in the world, children will be curious and learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
complement their knowledge as objects and phenomena.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
increase their critical thinking and reasoning ability after each IQ
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
or difficult math.
Besides
that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more in future jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have more choices in finding a job with a stable income.

By contrast, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has more benefits than math and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in staying
physically
fit and mentally alert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
save them from various diseases such as obesity, joint pain, heart diseases.
Secondly
, exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
concentration which can be
really
beneficial
academically
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who exercise
regularly
are found
to be fitter, smarter, more intelligent and more active than their counterparts in activities and studies.
Moreover
,
regularly
practicing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
sport enables a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
like foster teamwork and cooperation in playing games such as football and basketball. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and sport should
be focused
in all educational institutions for every student.

In conclusion
, every subject has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
aspects in the field of specialization.
However
, health is
still
something that everyone needs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life happier if all of us have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.
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IELTS essay ) It is more important for students to study science and mathematics than it is for them to study physical education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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