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It is impossible to help all the people in the world who need help, so the government should focus only on helping people in their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is impossible to help all the people in the world who need help, so the government should focus only on helping people in their own country. rkDNp
Today, there is a rapid growth in world’s population leading to rise in requirements of people’s needs day-by-day. The government try to help its own citizens to get better living conditions even they come from all walks of life. I think this action is good, but giving a helping hand other countries is also important. In the world, every government should create a better lifestyle to their own inhabitants, especially giving helps for an impoverished class, which leads to have satisfaction in society related to the facilities people have access to such as clean water, housing, safety and others. People with disabilities or lost their breadwinner are provided with some kind of incentives which are not given all of the citizens in the country. In Uzbekistan, for example, these types of people are catered by monthly helps by government or covered with money, as well as they are given houses with low rate of credits for 20 years. In my opinion, it is vital to decrease the possibility of getting helps from other countries by donating money to poorer people. On the other hand, if the government could not support its own citizens, as financial system is on the verge of collapse, it would be so crucial to acquire international aid. In the pandemic period, a lot of country’s economy has been in a bad position which turns to internationally receive assistance or social help. In African countries, there have been a great deal of aid from affluent countries to survive in this period. The act of supporting people all around the world, additionally, may promote a sense of humanity, which is essential to the sustainable development of the world, because humanity is the foundation of peace and stability. To conclude, it is possible and important to give help not only inside of the country, but also outside of the country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there is a rapid growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
population leading to rise in requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
needs day-by-day. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better living conditions even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from all walks of life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this action is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving a helping hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should create a better lifestyle to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
inhabitants,
especially
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
for an impoverished
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, which leads to have satisfaction in society related to the facilities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to such as clean water, housing, safety
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with disabilities or lost their breadwinner
are provided
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of incentives which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
Consider using "all the".
all of the
citizens in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In Uzbekistan,
for example
, these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are catered
by monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or covered with money,
as well
as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
with low rate of credits for 20 years. In my opinion, it is vital to decrease the possibility of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by donating money to poorer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could not support its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens, as financial system is on the verge of collapse, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crucial to acquire international aid. In the pandemic period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy has been in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
position which turns to
internationally
receive assistance or social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. In African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there have been a great deal of aid from affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to survive in this period. The act of supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
additionally
, may promote a sense of humanity, which is essential to the sustainable development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humanity is the foundation of peace and stability.

To conclude
, it is possible and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay It is impossible to help all the people in the world who need help, so the government should focus only on helping people in their own country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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