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The society is based on rules and laws. The society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they want. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

The society is based on rules and laws. The society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they want. 3g785
It is believed that societies that were free to do the actions they want instead of being based on laws of government would struggle to develop. While I think that societies actually need these rules to develop, I also believe that people could develop in some cases without governmental laws. On the one hand, policies that governments are introducing can encourage progress among citizens easily, I think. If people were allowed to control themselves, it would not be guaranteed that actions which these people might take would benefit to all people equally, which means that people would make choices regardless of the rights of other people to improve their life quality, for example. I therefore think that governmental laws which are mainly introduced depending on benefits of whole people are necessary for development. On the other hand, people doing everything they think to be true may also result in advantages in some cases that governments may sometimes challenge to do. The first reason is that even though governmental officials analyse the current situation of their public to announce new laws, there may be some aspects which these officials may overlook, thus perhaps resulting in another challenges to people. This seems to me that these overlooked aspects may force people to take some necessary steps to deal with these problems on their own, which would otherwise cannot be done by governments. Secondly, only living upon laws and rules may put these nations in a dependent mode, which urges me think that at least a little freedom given to these people may promote the feeling of independence among the people. In conclusion, although living in a society that is dependent on laws or rules of governments can be beneficial, I would disagree that without these laws, these people would collapse.
It
is believed
that societies that were free to do the actions they want
instead
of
being based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would struggle to develop. While I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that societies actually need these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to develop, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could develop in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases without governmental laws.

On the one hand, policies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are introducing can encourage progress among citizens
easily
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to control themselves, it would not
be guaranteed
that actions which these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might take would benefit to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
equally
, which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices regardless of the rights of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life quality,
for example
. I
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
which are
mainly
introduced depending on benefits of whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are necessary for development.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing everything they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
to be true may
also
result in advantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
challenge
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
. The
first
reason is that
even though
governmental officials
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation of their public to announce new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects which these officials may overlook,
thus
perhaps resulting in another challenges to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This seems to me that these overlooked aspects may force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary steps to deal with these problems on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, which would
otherwise
cannot
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
living upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
may put these nations
Consider replacing "in a dependent mode" with the adverb for "dependent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a dependent mode
, which urges me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that at least a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may promote the feeling of independence among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although living in a society
that is
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can be beneficial, I would disagree that without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would collapse.
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IELTS essay The society is based on rules and laws. The society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they want.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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