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it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction

it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction JxA6
First of all, if we are talking about children’s growth in many different countries there are so many differences in how each parent treat and educate them as a child. Many years have passed, children usually spent almost of their time playing with another child. Not only that, as a parent, they also need to protect and spent their time with their children because the one and only who knew their child must be parents. For this reason, it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction and I agree with that. Following this, children nowadays already knew how to operate a smartphone and internet, which means they are more developed than late generation child. Besides all these good things, there are so many negative impacts that could happen later. Without parent affection, love, and good behavior there are opportunities their children will grow up to be naughty and bad boy in the future. After that, they will not know, which one is the right and wrong behavior. Like I said before, parents should spend their time with their children and always give a lesson especially good behavior. Moreover, most of parents like to give punishment to their children if they did something wrong or bad. Subsequently, maybe punishment is what they deserve as children’s but they have to know first about their character. The punishment given by parents must have a good impact and educate them for the future. Even though, parents should not give a punishment if they already give and educate them good behaviors. Because punishment is not necessary if children are well behaved. It all depends on the principle and how parents act.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if we are talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differences in how each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
treat and educate them as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years have passed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
spent almost of their time playing with another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, they
also
need to protect and spent their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the one and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
who knew their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be parents.

For this reason
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn the difference between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
at an early age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn this distinction and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that.

Following this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays already knew how to operate a smartphone and internet, which means they are more developed than late generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Besides
all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that could happen later. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
affection,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, and
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good
behavior there are opportunities their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will grow up to be naughty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
boy in the future. After that, they will not know
If " which" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, which
one is the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
behavior. Like I said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a lesson
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
behavior.

Moreover
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they did something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Subsequently
, maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is what they deserve as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know
first
about their character. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
impact and educate them for the future.
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
if they already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
and educate them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
behaviors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is not necessary if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
. It all depends on the principle and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
act.
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IELTS essay it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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