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It is foolish to follow the fashion (pros and cons):

It is foolish to follow the fashion (pros and cons): Ole7E
When I say word fashion, everybody may think in a good way, that fashion is not something that can harm you, but I don’t think in that way. In my opinion sometimes it is foolish to follow the fashion, sometimes it is not. First of all, I think that periodically when you follow the fashion, it can be uncomfortable for you. Secondly It may also cause fear, that if you will not follow the fashion, someone may mock you and lastly, I think that fashion sometimes can be hazardous to you. On the other hand, fashion can help you to improve your style, it can also help you to become famous and lastly fashion can help you to improve your confidence. First of all, I think that fashion has its pros and cons. Disadvantage is that, fashion can be uncomfortable. For example, to take high heels. Everyone know that high heels are uncomfortable to walk with and it may also cause injury to your legs and not only legs. In past, when ultra-high platform shoes were popular in Japan, police officials accused them for causing many car accidents. They said that thick soles of the shoes slowed the response time of drivers, especially when they had to brake in an emergency. On the other hand, fashion can help you to improve your style. Of course, when you are wearing red long dress it is more fashionable to wear high heels, rather than sneakers or something else, so this(fashion) will help you to enhance your style. Secondly, I think that fashion can cause some kind of fear, because when something is very popular in fashion and everybody likes it at that time you may not like and don’t wear it at all, you may have different taste in fashion and because of that people may laugh at you, but on the other side fashion can help you to become famous. For example, if you invent something different and new in fashion that people will like it, it spreads very fast all over the world, which means, that this will help you to become famous. Lastly, I think that at the same time fashion can be hazardous to your health. As you know corsets were very popular in Europe in 16th century, which provided an opportunity for women to exchange health for beauty. Corsets helped women to change the shape of their body. It was made of steel, leather and bone and they were supposed to provide every woman with the tiny waist, which was so fashionable at thar time. Unfortunately, corsets were also known to break ribs, puncture lungs, cause indigestion and bring shortness of breath. Second example was ancient Chinese practice of foot binding, which was very fashionable at that time. This procedure began when young girl was between ages of three and six. During procedure each foot were broken and turned under, and the feet were wrapped with a bandage tightly. Each day bandage was tightened to make foot smaller and after several years child’s feet were only 8to 10cm. Unfortunately, 10 percent of girls were dying because of infection or blood circulation problems caused by tightened bandages. However, fashion also can help you to improve your confidence. For example, if short dresses are very fashionable nowadays and you wear it too, it increases your confidence in your body. In conclusion I think that following fashion is sometimes foolish and sometimes isn’t. First of all, it can be uncomfortable, hazardous and inappropriate to you. On the other hand, fashion can help you to improve your style, increase your confidence and become famous. Throughout history people have done extraordinary things to their body because of fashion, but this have not discouraged people from trying to become more beautiful.
When I say word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, everybody may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
that can harm you,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
in that way. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it is foolish to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it is not.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
periodically
when you follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uncomfortable
for you.
Secondly
It may
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
fear, that if you will not follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
, someone may mock you and
lastly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
can be hazardous to you. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
your style, it can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and
lastly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
your confidence.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
has its pros and cons. Disadvantage is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uncomfortable
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, to take high heels. Everyone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "knows".
know
that high heels are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uncomfortable
to walk with and it may
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
injury to your legs and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
legs.
Did you mean: "In the past"?
In past
, when ultra-high platform shoes were popular in Japan, police officials accused them for causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
car accidents. They said that thick soles of the shoes slowed the response
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of drivers,
especially
when they had to brake in an emergency. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
your style.
Of course
, when you are wearing red long dress it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
to wear high heels,
rather
than sneakers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
else,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this(fashion) will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to enhance your style.

Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of fear,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and everybody likes it at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you may not like and don’t wear it at all, you may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taste in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may laugh at you,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if you invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and new in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will like it, it spreads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
all over the world, which means, that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

Lastly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can be hazardous to your health. As you know corsets were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular in Europe in 16th century, which provided an opportunity for women to exchange health for beauty. Corsets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
women to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the shape of their body. It
was made
of steel, leather and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bone and
they
were supposed
to provide every woman with the tiny waist, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
thar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Unfortunately, corsets were
also
known to break ribs, puncture lungs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
indigestion and bring shortness of breath. Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
was ancient Chinese practice of foot binding, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This procedure began when young girl was between ages of three and six. During procedure each foot
were broken
and turned under, and the feet
were wrapped
with a bandage
tightly
. Each day bandage
was tightened
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
foot smaller and after several
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "years'" or "year's"?
years
child’s feet were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8to
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "10 cm"
10cm
. Unfortunately, 10 percent of girls were dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of infection or blood circulation problems caused by tightened bandages.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
your confidence. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if short dresses are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashionable
nowadays and you wear it too, it increases your confidence in your body.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
foolish and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
isn’t.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uncomfortable
, hazardous and inappropriate to you. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
your style, increase your confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. Throughout history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have done extraordinary things to their body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this have
not discouraged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
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IELTS essay It is foolish to follow the fashion (pros and cons):

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
628 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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