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it is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affects a child development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discussion both views and give your opinion.

it is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affects a child development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discussion both views and give your opinion. NrMbd
It Is indeed true that, often people think these days growth and development of a kid's is affected by social media, pop culture and peer groups. But a number of people argued that, family also play a paramount role in development of children. This eassy will discuss both views along with my personal opinion. To commence with, the media, culture and friends has a great impact on children development because children spend a lot of time with friends and they learn so many new things from each other. also, media plays an important part in children's development by with the help of media children are connected with all over the world, they have a knowledge about everything and their knowledge has been enhancing by med6. For example, YouTube provides all content such as, educational videos, motivational speech and entertainment content, students watch that and gain knowledge with interest. Also, during lockdown all education institutions were closed, a number of children have developed their skills by using social media. Thus. the media, pop culture and peer group are important to children development. On the other hand, family also play crucial role in children's development because from birth kids most of the time stay with family before starting school, and they learn various things like behaviour, mother tongue, basic skills so on. In addition, family members motivate them towards their goals. For instant, one survey was conducted in India in 1990, in which noticed that 50% children development is depends on family. So. it has proved that, family is necessary for children development along with other factors. To conclude, although, family helps in the development of child's, it can be not ignored the influences of media, pop culture and friends. So. according to my prospective both things have their own important for children development.
It Is
indeed
true that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these days growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a kid's is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and peer groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
play a paramount role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
eassy
will discuss both views along with my personal opinion.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and friends has a great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things from each other.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
by with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are connected
with all over the world, they have a knowledge about everything and their knowledge has been enhancing by med6.
For example
, YouTube provides all content such as, educational videos, motivational speech and entertainment content, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
that and gain knowledge with interest.
Also
, during lockdown all education institutions
were closed
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have developed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by using social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Thus
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and peer group are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
play crucial role in children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from birth kids most of the time stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting school, and they learn various things like
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, mother tongue, basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members motivate them towards their goals. For instant, one survey
was conducted
in India in 1990, in which noticed that 50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
. it has proved that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
along with other factors.

To conclude
, although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of child's, it can be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
the influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
. according to my prospective both things have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
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IELTS essay it is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affects a child development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discussion both views and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • it is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affects a child development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discussion both views and give your opinion.