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It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a break down in family relationship and communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a break down in family relationship and communication. v. 1
These days it is in vogue that almost all the family members have their own electronic device. A few number of people believe that this trend not only affects the bonding but also communication among the family members. In my opinion, these technological advancements are great tools to strengthen the interrelation of the people. Electronic gadgets have made the process of communication easier, which help to boost the social relationship. Now, using technical devices allows people to maintain contacts regardless of geographical locations. Moreover, users can stay together in the virtual platform twenty four seven through these machines, where they can share their thoughts, upload pictures and make networks. Thus, these gadgets facilitates the human relation by providing the opportunity to stay connected with each other. For instance, a recent survey conducted by Wikipedia is that had mobile phone not been invented, the process of communication would have been 50% slower. However, some people oppose the view that dependency on devices curbs the closeness of the relation. It is often seen that, many people become addicted to these machines and spend hours after hours in front on the screen. As a result, they get less time to spend with the family as well as with relatives and friends. Moreover, these persons unintentionally build the propensity to get less sensitive to others because of the over attachment with the equipment. Consequently, the relationship loses the intimacy and increases the superficiality. Despite these, people can contact comfortably with others through technical instruments to make plans and meet each other in their convenient time. In conclusion, although the modern technology helps to accentuate the human relation by making the communication system easy, a number of people disagree that it reduces interest of the relation. Nevertheless, if users employ these modern devices carefully, it will make their relationship stranger and pleasant.
These days it is in vogue that almost all the family members have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. A
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this trend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects the bonding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among the family members. In my opinion, these technological advancements are great tools to strengthen the interrelation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Electronic gadgets have made the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
easier, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost the social relationship.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, using technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain contacts regardless of geographical locations.
Moreover
, users can stay together in the virtual platform
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty four
seven through these machines, where they can share their thoughts, upload pictures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
networks.
Thus
, these gadgets facilitates the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
by providing the opportunity to stay connected with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by Wikipedia is that had mobile phone not
been invented
, the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
would have been 50% slower.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oppose the view that dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
curbs the closeness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become addicted to these machines and spend hours after hours
The usual preposition for "in front" is "of". Did you mean "in front of"?
in front on
the screen.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less time to spend with the family
as well
as with relatives and friends.
Moreover
, these persons
unintentionally
build the propensity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less sensitive to others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the over attachment with the equipment.
Consequently
, the relationship loses the intimacy and increases the superficiality. Despite these,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can contact
comfortably
with others through technical instruments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in their convenient time.

In conclusion
, although the modern technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to accentuate the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
by making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
system easy, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relation
.
Nevertheless
, if users employ these modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
carefully
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their relationship stranger and pleasant.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a break down in family relationship and communication. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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