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It is better to go out for a live performances(show or concert) than stay at home watching Tv or using the computer. To what do you agree or disagree?

It is better to go out for a live performances(show or concert) than stay at home watching Tv or using the computer. To what do9wK
The argument of whether going out for concerts better than staying at home or not. From my point of view, I do agree with the view that participating live concerts is beneficial for individuals, since people can enjoy as well as forget about their stresses. Surely, there are valid arguments on both sides as this essay will mention below. On the one hand, some people believe that going out for live shows has a numerous of benefits for them. To begin with, by going such places individuals can take a great advantage. To demonstrate, they can spend thier precise time more entertaingly. Secondly, it is a great chance to make friends. To give a better idea, there a plethora of people attend this concerts with whom they can build strong friendship. Finally, it is a good way to increase the number of followers on social network. To illustrate, residents can take a photo with different actors, singers or even with their clothe people. On the other hand, most people put forward the idea that staying at home is more benefial rather than going out to live concerts. First of all, these kind of places are belived to be noisy and crowded. To demonstate, most individuals do not like such atmosphere. Secondly, some of them afraid of losing their precise stuffs. To exemplify, the numerous of people can join to such concerts and perhaps some of them robbers. In conclusion, after discussing above clearly mentioned viewpoints, now we can point out that even there are some drawbacks of goint out to such places, I do belive that the advantages outweigh disadvantages.
The argument of whether going out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
better than staying at home or not. From my point of view, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that participating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
is beneficial for individuals, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy
as well
as forget about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
Surely
, there are valid arguments on both sides as this essay will mention below.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that going out for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
has
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
benefits for them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by going such places individuals can take a great advantage. To demonstrate, they can spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
precise time more
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertaingly
.
Secondly
, it is a great chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends. To give a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, there a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
with whom they can build strong friendship.
Finally
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to increase the number of followers on social network. To illustrate, residents can take a photo with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
actors, singers or even with their clothe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put forward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that staying at home is more
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefial
rather
than going out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of places are
Possible spelling mistake found.
belived
to be noisy and crowded. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
demonstate
, most individuals do not like such atmosphere.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them afraid of losing their precise stuffs. To exemplify,
The phrase 'the numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
and perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them robbers.

In conclusion
, after discussing above
clearly
mentioned viewpoints,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can point out that even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
Possible spelling mistake found.
goint
out to such places, I
Did you mean "do believe"?
do belive
that the advantages outweigh disadvantages.
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IELTS essay It is better to go out for a live performances(show or concert) than stay at home watching Tv or using the computer. To what

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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