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It is better to go out ( a concert ) that stay at home and watching TV or using computer. To what extent do you agree or not?

It is better to go out ( a concert ) that stay at home and watching TV or using computer. 15JQN
Whether people prefer to stay at home (watching TV, or doing computer entertainment), or go out for like a cinema. I believe people's preference depends on their mode and what they like to do in that certain time. Sometimes, people need to go out and be with their friends specially when they feel lonely so they call their friends and if they are free, then they plan to go out. Places like restaurants, cofee shops, discos, parks, concerts, and so on are their choices to go. Going out with friends makes them happy because they were in lonely feelings so they select to overcome their lonely feelings by doing some social acts. However, person's choices can change in other situations. The same people, sometimes, would like to spend their time at home with their family. They may choose to play with childeren, or do housework. If he/she needs to spend time alone and enjoy favourite TV peograms, or play with computer games, then they choose to stay at home. Some people tend to cook, others would rather rub and clean their home or its circumstances. Thus, people's preferences depend on what they need emotionally in that time. In result, the situation, our feeling, and willing can express what we want to do in a certain time. If we need to go out, then we plan for doing something related to out. If we need to be alone, probably our choice will be staying at home. What we select completely refers to our interests.
Whether
people
prefer to stay at home (watching TV, or doing computer entertainment), or go out for like a cinema. I believe
people
's preference depends on their mode and what they like to do in that certain time.

Sometimes
,
people
need
to go out and be with their friends
specially
when they feel lonely
so
they call their friends and if they are free, then they plan to go out. Places like restaurants,
cofee
shops, discos, parks, concerts, and
so
on are their choices to go. Going out with friends
makes
them happy
because
they were in lonely feelings
so
they select to overcome their lonely feelings by doing
some
social acts.
However
, person's choices can
change
in other situations.

The same
people
,
sometimes
, would like to spend their time at home with their family. They may choose to play with
childeren
, or do housework. If he/she
needs
to spend time alone and enjoy
favourite
TV
peograms
, or play with computer games, then they choose to stay at home.
Some
people
tend to cook, others would
rather
rub and clean their home or its circumstances.
Thus
,
people
's preferences depend on what they
need
emotionally
in that time.

In result, the situation, our feeling, and willing can express what we want to do in a certain time. If we
need
to go out, then we plan for doing something related to out. If we
need
to be alone,
probably
our choice will be staying at home. What we select completely refers to our interests.
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IELTS essay It is better to go out ( a concert ) that stay at home and watching TV or using computer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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