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It is better to be happy than rich. Do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

It is better to be happy than rich. Do you agree? v. 2
These days, it is arguable seen that being happy is the preferred choice of most people as compared to being rich. In my opinion, it is possible for people to feel happy even if they have little money, as other aspects of life can play a more vital role in creating happiness. It is undeniable that without financial stability, one could not think of happiness. This is because, the basic necessities are not met and each day people are struggling to make ends meet. As a result, they do not worry about being happy, as all they think of is financial security. With this, it is arguable that being rich is much more important than being happy. On the other hand, gaining happiness through work is believed to be one way to gain happiness. For example, a nurse doing volunteering work in undeveloped countries will not earn any money in return, but the reward of helping people and doing the job they are good at brings happiness in itself. Therefore, happiness can be found by using skills one is trained for and through job satisfaction. Besides that, having family support and loved ones in one’s life influences happiness. Although money can bring the receivers the opportunities to enjoy themselves, nothing beats being surrounded by a loving and caring family. In conclusion, being rich is not an essential key to happiness as it can be found through job satisfaction as well as family. If more people work hard in life to achieve happiness rather than pursuing being rich, it would make the world a better place to live in as happiness is a very important emotion and everyone in life feels it.
These days, it is arguable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that being happy is the preferred choice of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as compared to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
. In my opinion, it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel happy even if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
money, as other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can play a more vital role in creating happiness.

It is undeniable that without financial stability, one could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
are not met and each day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
As a result
, they do not worry about being happy, as all they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of is financial security. With this, it is arguable that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than being happy.

On the other hand
, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
through work
is believed
to be one way to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, a nurse doing volunteering work in undeveloped countries will not earn any money in return,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and doing the job they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in itself.
Therefore
,
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happiness
can
be found
by using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
one
is trained
for and through job satisfaction.
Besides
that, having family support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Although money can bring the receivers the opportunities to enjoy themselves, nothing beats
being surrounded
by a loving and caring family.

In conclusion
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is not an essential key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
as it can
be found
through job satisfaction
as well
as family. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
rather
than pursuing being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
emotion and everyone in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
feels it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It is better to be happy than rich. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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