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It is better to be happy than rich. Do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

It is better to be happy than rich. Do you agree? v. 1
Though few believe that the younger generation should have the freedom to take decisions on their own, nevertheless there are others who think these decisions must be taken with the aid of their father and mother. In my opinion, I believe it is wise to discuss matters with elders, as they have more practical experiences than the young ones. On the one hand, these days, many encourages children to make choices, right from their young age. Because parents believe that it would benefit them in their future endeavours, they are let to choose on their own. For instance, at school, kids are allowed to choose subjects of their interest and parents do not intervene in this matter. This foundation in fact helps them to take better decisions, once they start their career life, with confidence. On the other hand, some think that the parents should take part in the decision-making process of their children. When a vital situation comes up, it seems to be necessary when the child alone is unable to come to a conclusion. For example, if a youngster is emotionally down, it is best advisable to confide with the parents to find a solution.  Father and mother who raised them up would be able to tackle any of their issues and would be able to come up with a perfect solution. Finally, in my opinion, I believe it is always best to seek parental advice while one is young. The reason being, with the vast life experiences that they have, they would be able to provide their children proper guidance. In addition to it, they would always look at the interest of their offsprings also before getting into a conclusion. To conclude, even though some people believe it is up to the younger generation to take their own decision, there are others who feel parents should also involve in making the right decision. I believe, with the practical knowledge that parents have, it would be preferable to include parents in the process of deciding something.
Though few
believe
that the younger generation should have the freedom to take
decisions
on their
own
,
nevertheless
there are others who
think
these
decisions
must
be taken
with the aid of their father and mother. In my opinion, I
believe
it is wise to discuss matters with elders, as they have more practical experiences than the young ones.

On the one hand, these days,
many
encourages children to
make
choices, right from their young age.
Because
parents
believe
that it would benefit them in their future
endeavours
, they are
let
to choose on their
own
.
For instance
, at school, kids are
allowed
to choose subjects of their interest and
parents
do not intervene in this matter. This foundation in fact 
helps
them to take better
decisions
, once they
start
their career life, with confidence.

On the other hand
,
some
think
that the
parents
should
take part
in the decision-making process of their children. When a vital situation
comes
up, it seems to be necessary when the child alone is unable to
come
to a conclusion.
For example
, if a youngster is
emotionally
down, it
is best
advisable to confide with the
parents
to find a solution.  Father and mother who raised them up would be able to tackle any of their issues and would be able to
come
up with a perfect solution.

Finally
, in my opinion, I
believe
it is always best to seek parental advice while one is young. The reason being, with the vast life experiences that they have, they would be able to provide their children proper guidance.
In addition
to it, they would always look at the interest of their
offsprings
also
before
getting into a conclusion.

To conclude
,
even though
some
people
believe
it is up to the younger generation to take their
own
decision
, there are others who feel
parents
should
also
involve in making the right
decision
. I
believe
, with the practical knowledge that
parents
have, it would be preferable to include
parents
in the process of deciding something.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better to be happy than rich. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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