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It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. v. 9
It is commonly believed by some that are essential for high school students to live outside their parental habitations. I partially agree with this argument. Whereas this essay discusses social independence and maturity as a merit of this idea, it is widely accepted that the lack of parental oversight can adversely affect students’ education. Undeniably, second cycle students, who are largely adolescents, learn some positive social values when they live outside the scope of their mothers and fathers. Firstly, the students can socialize with other students from different backgrounds; hence, they adopt some positive social ethics for their future social life. Besides, they become used to managing their finances efficiently. In other words, students learn to use limited resources as they live independently outside their comfort zones; so, they become adjusted to the culture of prioritising needs economically. Nonetheless, the potential set-backs of such a development are not far-fetched. To begin with, most students lose focus on their education, which is the primary motive of their stay in dormitories. To further explain, students who live outside their parents watch hardly concentrate on their studies due to the many forms of entertainments they are exposed to. This form of lure is usually augmented by their peers, who are at most times of equal age with them; therefore, they are easily convinced. For instance, in Durban, 78% of teens who abandoned schooling were those who lived outside their parents’ tent. Moreover, the lack of parental help, guidance, and control concerning this phenomenon cannot be overlooked as parental help is integral in their ward's education. In the absence of parental support, most students lose self-esteem since they need this form of support to study effectively. In conclusion, the intercultural ethical maturity, high school students gain outside their parents' homes cannot be refuted; nevertheless, there may be a devastating impact on the student's attention to studies, as well as the overall morale to learn.
It is
commonly
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that are essential for high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
habitations. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument. Whereas this essay discusses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
independence and maturity as a merit of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
oversight can
adversely
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
education.

Undeniably
, second cycle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
largely
adolescents, learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the scope of their mothers and fathers.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can socialize with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds;
hence
, they adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
ethics for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
Besides
, they become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to managing their finances
efficiently
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
limited resources as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their comfort zones;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they become adjusted to the culture of
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
needs
economically
.

Nonetheless, the potential set-backs of such a development are not far-fetched. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lose focus on their education, which is the primary motive of their stay in dormitories. To
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
hardly concentrate on their studies due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms of entertainments they
are exposed
to. This form of lure is
usually
augmented by their peers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are at most times of equal age with them;
therefore
, they are
easily
convinced.
For instance
, in Durban, 78% of teens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
abandoned schooling were those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their parents’ tent.
Moreover
, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, guidance, and control concerning this phenomenon cannot
be overlooked
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is integral in their ward's education. In the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parental
support, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lose self-esteem since they need this form of support to study
effectively
.

In conclusion
, the intercultural ethical maturity, high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their parents' homes cannot
be refuted
;
nevertheless
, there may be a devastating impact on the student's attention to studies,
as well
as the
overall
morale to learn.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live far away from home than live at home with their parents. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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