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It Is Better For Children If the Whole Family Is Involved In Their Upbringing rather than their fathers and mothers only. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It Is Better For Children If the Whole Family Is Involved In Their Upbringing rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion? mbj7A
Family is an evitable part of life and contributes to every up and down in life. While increment in trend of nuclear families the detrimental impacts are considerable escalating which intensify the necessity of grandparents’ involvement along with parents in the nurturing of noble juveniles. Although the vogue of small family is prefer over joint families, the later have potential reasons for which I support it in development of children. To embark on it, the prominent reason to support joint family refer as it stimulate in maintaining close relationship with the family members; monitor every activity in fostering toddler and adolescents. Since childhood premature are playing around with grandparents and always under the supervision of their grandparents whereas parents are on their jobs for earning income in this inflated era. Even in case of any medical emergency if grandparents are around to take care of our infants, the responsibility on parents drastically decline which allow them to stay focus in their career. However another pertinent indicates that adulthood will recognized and feel connected with their inherited culture with the association of older member of their family. Even though there are some disastrous incidents in family due to different personality conflicts, it can be eliminated with discussions and can provide a fruitful benefit in child’s development. Whereas some have privacy concern while living with older people of their family but it might be less considerable if the adult remain detached from crime delinquencies due to persistence monitoring by grandparents while parents are away inclined by some sort of work. It can be demonstrated that even it cause some problems while grandparents around but it is worthwhile for fostering of a virtuous child. To recapitulate it can be reiterated that in raising a moral responsible youngster parents and grandparents contribute a part in the child’s life. Despite of conflicts and personal grudges the burgeoning of a minor is profusely paramount in life. If grandparents are around young one will be more allure and fascinated towards their roots and family history.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
evitable
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and contributes to every up and down in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
increment in trend of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
the detrimental impacts are considerable escalating which intensify the necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents’
involvement along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the nurturing of noble juveniles. Although the vogue of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
over joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, the later have potential reasons for which I support it in development of children.

To embark on it, the prominent reason to support joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
refer as it stimulate in maintaining close relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members; monitor every activity in fostering toddler and adolescents. Since childhood premature are playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
and always under the supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are on their jobs for earning income in this inflated era. Even in case of any medical emergency if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
to take care of our infants, the responsibility on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
drastically
decline which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to stay
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
their career.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
another pertinent indicates that adulthood will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "recognize"
recognized
and feel connected with their inherited culture with the association of older member of their family.

Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disastrous incidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personality conflicts, it can
be eliminated
with discussions and can provide a fruitful benefit in child’s development. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have privacy concern while living with older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it might be less considerable if the adult remain detached from crime delinquencies due to persistence monitoring by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are away inclined by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of work. It can
be demonstrated
that even it cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is worthwhile for fostering of a virtuous child.

To recapitulate it can
be reiterated
that in raising a moral responsible youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
contribute a part in the child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
conflicts and personal grudges the burgeoning of a minor is
profusely
paramount in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
young one will be more allure and fascinated towards their roots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history.
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IELTS essay It Is Better For Children If the Whole Family Is Involved In Their Upbringing rather than their fathers and mothers only. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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