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It is better for a country to spend money for skills training and vocational training with practical work ( e.g. car maintenance, hairdressing ) than university education. To what extend do u agree or disagree?

It is better for a country to spend money for skills training and vocational training with practical work ( e. g. car maintenance, hairdressing ) than university education. 2baqb
Every country contributes a significant amount of money to maintain world-class education system. However, in recent decades, the number of nations is enhancing university level courses, but they are ignoring the vocational courses. To my mind, it is better to distribute the money equally on both types of courses. To begin with, every country requires young talent in fields such as engineering, research, medicine. This helps a country to grow at a steep path and be competitive in the world market. For example, some countries such as USA, UK are the acting as a global leader because they are equipped with cutting edge technologies and highly talented manpower. Every nation should be able to deliver high quality professionals to face threats or new innovations which help to enhance the living standards across the globe. For example, the Internet was an innovation which changed everyone's lifestyle drastically. To achieve all these, governments should concentrate on improving university studies. However, the vocational courses are equally important to every country. No one denies that, many immigrants to developed nations are working in stores, as hairdressers, decorators, car repairers. The solo reason for this phenomenon is those countries are not encouraging their citizens on skills training. The vocational courses help us to run a small business like running a car maintenance or hairdressing shops. Thus reduces the unemployment rates across the world. For example, in my part of the world, there are many people who completed part-time courses on electric repairs, housekeeping and settled in their life by running their own business. To sum up, it is very important for every nation to maintain highly qualified professionals as well as specialized skills individuals. A government should focus on both types of studies.
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
contributes a significant amount of money to maintain world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
education system.
However
, in recent decades, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is enhancing university level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are ignoring the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. To my mind, it is better to distribute the money
equally
on both types of courses.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
requires young talent in fields such as engineering, research, medicine. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to grow at a steep path and be competitive in the world market.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
, UK
The singular proper name 'UK' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
the acting as a global leader
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are equipped
with cutting edge technologies and
highly
talented manpower. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should be able to deliver high quality professionals to face threats or new innovations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enhance the living standards across the globe.
For example
, the Internet was an innovation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
everyone's lifestyle
drastically
. To achieve all these,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should concentrate on improving university studies.

However
, the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. No one denies that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
immigrants to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are working in stores, as hairdressers, decorators, car repairers. The solo reason for this phenomenon is those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not encouraging their citizens on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
training. The vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to run a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business like running a car maintenance or hairdressing shops.
Thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the unemployment rates across the world.
For example
, in my part of the world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who completed part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
on electric repairs, housekeeping and settled in their life by running their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to maintain
highly
qualified professionals
as well
as specialized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
individuals. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on both types of studies.
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IELTS essay It is better for a country to spend money for skills training and vocational training with practical work ( e. g. car maintenance, hairdressing ) than university education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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