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It is believed that young people are more interested in international pop singers and movie starts rather than history, historical events and historical prople. Why is this? Give reason for your answer using your own experience?

It is believed that young people are more interested in international pop singers and movie starts rather than history, historical events and historical prople. Why is this? Give reason for your answer using your own experience? qV0Ow
Modern era youngsters are passionate about singers and actors renowned worldwide rather than historical events or people. This essay will discuss why the influence of modern artists is more on new generation than our history. The overwhelming lifestyle and fame gained by the celebrities over the short span of time has pulled the young audience towards them. Back in history, though people had done something great for their nation, they may not have earned great success, money and high standards of living which every youngster today dreams of. For example, there had been many events and people in our history, those were recnogised and known worldwide. These events did not upgraded the level of living and not build an aura for those people almost entire life. This very desire of living has led youth being motivated by artists. In addition to this, people think that it is more easy to adopt celebrities lifestyle and get noticed by everyone. Many musicians and movie stars are recognised only after their first performance and have got national awards for the same. The opposite was true in old era where many scientists did great inventions and many patriots passionately served the nation but rarely supported by goverment and mass audience. By the time their work was recognised and appreciated by the people and own country's government they were very old or were dead. Thus not being able to enjoy and live the dream success had let today's youth to follow the same footsteps to glory as the international actors do. At last, i would like to conclude that high standards of living and a strong zeal to be famous instantly has led young people to get influenced by the pop singers and movie stars
Modern era youngsters are passionate about singers and actors renowned worldwide
rather
than historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss why the influence of modern artists is more on new generation than our history.

The overwhelming lifestyle and fame gained by the celebrities over the short span of time has pulled the young audience towards them. Back in history, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had done something great for their nation, they may not have earned great success, money and high standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
which every youngster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
dreams of.
For example
, there had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our history, those were
Possible spelling mistake found.
recnogised
and known worldwide. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "upgrade"
upgraded
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and not build an aura for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
almost entire life. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
has led youth
being motivated
by artists.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more easy to adopt celebrities lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
noticed by everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
musicians and movie stars are
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after their
first
performance and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
national awards for the same. The opposite was true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
era where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists did great inventions and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
patriots
passionately
served the nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rarely supported by
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
and mass audience. By the time their work was
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
and appreciated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or were dead.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
not being able to enjoy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the dream success had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youth to follow the same footsteps to glory as the international actors do.

At last,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like
to conclude
that high standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and a strong zeal to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
instantly
has led young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by the pop singers and movie stars
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IELTS essay It is believed that young people are more interested in international pop singers and movie starts rather than history, historical events and historical prople. Why is this? Give reason for your answer using your own experience?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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