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It is believed that we should focus on productivity at work instead of establishing relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is believed that we should focus on productivity at work instead of establishing relationships. with this opinion? RwGdW
It is a fact that many people strongly believe that expanding the social circle on working is more important than productivity. Although some opponents counter that profit which is created from effective productivity is the most priority, I opine that two viewpoints are of both advantages and disadvantages to workers. On the one hand, concentrating on the efficiency of working provides each staff with sample benefits. Firstly, one prominent merit of this working method is that employees can optimize their productivity since it is too hard for external factors to affect to their concentration. This is perfectly exemplified that should workers keep their phone out of their reach, they will avoid the neglect on working time. Furthermore, staffs can easily achieve the success on their career when they completely focus on their job and have the good allocation of time. To be more specific, should each individual of firms works effectively, profit will increase significantly that is the basis of the management committee to consider about their promotion. On the other hand, many professors reckon that in the modern society, expanding the social circle is actually essential to pursue the career. In fact, a variety of relationships not only bring a considerable amount of knowledge about working skills such as communication, teamwork, English but also behaviors in life. For example, when cooperating with foreign colleagues, the English ability and the knowledge about their working culture will be raised significantly. In addition, having many good relationships can bring several experience and advancement for career. Actually, when workers want to move to another firm, their co-workers can introduce them many good jobs with handsome salary. In conclusion, what is the method will have their own benefits and drawbacks. In my opinion, the achievement to the highest efficiency needs the combination between both of them. However, I firmly believe that it is personal choice in order to pursue their own career.
It is a fact that
many
people
strongly
believe that expanding the social circle on
working
is more
important
than productivity. Although
some
opponents counter that profit which
is created
from effective productivity is the most priority, I opine that two viewpoints are of both advantages and disadvantages to workers.

On the one hand, concentrating on the efficiency of
working
provides each staff with sample benefits.
Firstly
, one prominent merit of this
working
method is that employees can optimize their productivity since it is too
hard
for external factors to affect to their concentration. This is
perfectly
exemplified that should workers
keep
their phone out of their reach, they will avoid the neglect on
working
time.
Furthermore
, staffs can
easily
achieve the success on their
career
when they completely focus on their job and have the
good
allocation of time. To be more specific, should each individual of firms works
effectively
, profit will increase
significantly
that is
the basis of the management committee to
consider about their
promotion.

On the other hand
,
many
professors reckon that in the modern society, expanding the social circle is actually essential to pursue the
career
. In fact, a variety of relationships not
only
bring a considerable amount of knowledge about
working
skills
such as communication, teamwork, English
but
also
behaviors in life.
For example
, when cooperating with foreign colleagues, the English ability and the knowledge about their
working
culture will
be raised
significantly
.
In addition
, having
many
good
relationships can bring
several experience
and advancement for
career
. Actually, when workers want to
move
to another firm, their co-workers can introduce them
many
good
jobs with handsome salary.

In conclusion
, what is the method will have their
own
benefits and drawbacks. In my opinion, the achievement to the highest efficiency needs the combination between both of them.
However
, I
firmly
believe that it is personal choice in order to pursue their
own
career
.
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IELTS essay It is believed that we should focus on productivity at work instead of establishing relationships. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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