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Many children around us are obese and overweight. What according to you has led to this common problem amongst the children? What measures can be taken to resolve this? 

Many children around us are obese and overweight. What according to you has led to this common problem amongst the children? What measures can be taken to resolve this? PLK3E
Due to the unhealthy lifestyle, juvenile nowadays are unfit. There are many causes for this growing problem such as a consuming wrong kind of food, and no physical activity. In this essay, I will discuss the main reasons behind it. Also, I will talk about preventions by which we can control this. Children nowadays are extremely attracted towards the junk food. They love to eat food which may be delicious but lacking many essential nutrients. Due to that, they are facing problem of obesity. In addition to that, youth is so much engaged to the virtual world, because of that they are less interested in outdoor activities which is resulting in problems like overweight. To illustrate the points, parents are extremely busy in their work, they don’t get time to serve their children a home cooked meal and not noticing the screen time of their kid. This is the problem which we can easily control by altering few habits of our minor. Firstly, parents should encourage their children to eat home-cooked food and avoid unhygienic street food. Although, all the school classes are being organised online, children are being pushed to take part in the outdoor physical activities to accomplish their daily health goals. For example, Rather than allowing your children to have fast food, cook them the same in a nutritious way. Also, aware them with the importance of being fit. In conclusion, I would say the advancement in technology made our upcoming generation lazier, which is making them fatty and chubby however it can be improved by following the strict lifestyle.
Due to the unhealthy lifestyle, juvenile nowadays are unfit. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes for this growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as a consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and no physical activity. In this essay, I will discuss the main reasons behind it.
Also
, I will talk about
Possible spelling mistake found.
preventions
by which we can control this.

Children nowadays are
extremely
attracted towards the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which may be delicious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lacking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential nutrients. Due to that, they are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity.
In addition
to that, youth is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much engaged to the virtual world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they are less interested in outdoor activities which is resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like overweight. To illustrate the points, parents are
extremely
busy in their work, they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to serve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a home cooked meal and not noticing the screen time of their kid.

This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which we can
easily
control by altering few habits of our minor.
Firstly
, parents should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to eat home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and avoid unhygienic street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Although, all the school classes are being
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
online,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
being pushed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the outdoor physical activities to accomplish their daily health goals.
For example
,
Rather
than allowing your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, cook them the same
Consider replacing "in a nutritious way" with the adverb for "nutritious"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a nutritious way
.
Also
, aware them with the importance of
being fit
.

In conclusion
, I would say the advancement in technology made our upcoming generation lazier, which is making them fatty and chubby
however
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by following the strict lifestyle.

IELTS essay Many children around us are obese and overweight. What according to you has led to this common problem amongst the children? What measures can be taken to resolve this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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