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It is believed that celebrities and sports stars get paid too much money for doing a job which was considered to be a hobby.

It is believed that celebrities and sports stars get paid too much money for doing a job which was considered to be a hobby. pKEn2
Nowadays, It is believed that celebrities and sports stars get paid too much money for doing a job which was considered to be a hobby. With nature of different job we need to paid to a things that is essential for a job not to be a hobby at all. For our life all of us also like to purchase something that we really like, comfortable for our job and celebrities, sport stars, too. Therefore, it is not a hobby and i totally disagree with this point of view. Entertainments are essential for our life to help you too much about relaxing after doing work, school or reduce stress. Otherwise, film or music mv, sports is part of our life and have a mass advantages for us. For instance, you have a day off from school first thing you think absolutely watch a film with friends after that definitely hang out with friend or parents. Each of film or music mv actors or authors need at least 4 months or more than 2 years, every creation always have a meaning such as encourage, inspire, transferred happiness, sadness; tell a stories which in real life. I honestly believe that the people who strive to bring quality to our entertainment deserve to be paid well. Besides, usually careers of sportsmen, actresses or musicians last for a shorter span of time than that of teachers, doctors and engineers. Thus, if they earn more money for the risk they take, the amount of dedication they put, and the performance they show, seems quite justified to me. On the other hand, It is believed that people who work for entertainments will have a good income than other jobs. The number of Film and music were invested too much money for actress, singer, cameraman, clothes and others factor make viewer interested in this and paid money for. After that they have a countless revenue each success compose and divide for who dedicate to that compose. As we can see, the higher salary in entertainment jobs will have the gap between weathy and poverty people moreover it can be have a bad effect for country's economics. Otherwise, another people from different job see that and dissatisfied about their income result from conflicts and tensions. It is the serious problem in each country in the world need to solve. In conclusion, I believed that celebrities and sports stars get paid too much money for doing a job that not a hobby. They need to paid in some extents which essential for work and their compose brings happiness for us everyday. As a result, people will have a level of expectable income has increase day by day.
Nowadays, It
is believed
that celebrities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which
was considered
to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. With nature of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
to
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a thing" or simply "things"?
a things
that is
essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
not to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
at all. For our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
all of us
also
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something that we
really
like, comfortable for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and celebrities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
stars, too.
Therefore
, it is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
disagree with this point of view.

Entertainments are essential for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
about relaxing after doing work, school or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Otherwise
, film or music
Possible spelling mistake found.
mv
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and have a mass advantages for us.
For instance
, you have a day off from school
first
thing you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a film with friends after that definitely hang out with friend or parents. Each of film or music
Possible spelling mistake found.
mv
actors or authors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
at least 4 months or more than 2 years, every creation always have a meaning such as encourage, inspire, transferred happiness, sadness;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a story" or simply "stories"?
a stories
which in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
honestly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who strive to bring quality to our entertainment deserve to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well.
Besides
,
usually
careers of sportsmen, actresses or musicians last for a shorter span of time than that of teachers, doctors and engineers.
Thus
, if they earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
they take, the amount of dedication they put, and the performance they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, seems quite justified to me.

On the other hand
, It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work for entertainments will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The number of Film and music
were invested
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for actress, singer, cameraman, clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
viewer interested in this and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for. After that they have a countless revenue each success compose and divide for
Did you mean "whom"?
who
dedicate to that compose. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, the higher salary in entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will have the gap between
Possible spelling mistake found.
weathy
and poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moreover
it can be
Consider using the past participle "had"?
have
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect for country's economics.
Otherwise
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that and dissatisfied about their income result from conflicts and tensions. It is the serious problem in each country in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to solve.

In conclusion
, I believed that celebrities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents which essential for work and their compose brings happiness for us
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a level of
Possible spelling mistake found.
expectable
income has increase day by day.

IELTS essay It is believed that celebrities and sports stars get paid too much money for doing a job which was considered to be a hobby.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
448 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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