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It is argued that rampant increase in the number of obese people has put a stress on the healthcare system and one of the key remedies is to introduce physical education as a compulsory subject of the school syllabus. I agree with this statement since physical education not only creates a lifelong habit of staying fit but also sends the message of fitness to the student’s parents

It is argued that rampant increase in the number of obese people has put a stress on the healthcare system and one of the key remedies is to introduce physical education as a compulsory subject of the school syllabus. I agree with this statement since physical education not only creates a lifelong habit of staying fit but also sends the message of fitness to the student’s parents xOa9a
It is argued that rampant increase in the number of obese people has put a stress on the healthcare system and one of the key remedies is to introduce physical education as a compulsory subject of the school syllabus. I agree with this statement since physical education not only creates a lifelong habit of staying fit but also sends the message of fitness to the student’s parents. Firstly, the main reason of obesity is insufficient physical activity. Some people can’t devote time to sport because of their sitting work. And if we want to raise our children to be active and dynamic, we must inculcate the love of sports from the childhood. The best way to do this is starting from school the place where they are spending a lot of their time. For example, in order to attract pupils to play more sport, they need to create the childrens work in a team and develop their dynamic skills at the same time. Furthermore, introduction of physical education lessons in syllabus not only motivates children, but parents are also encouraged to choose healthy activities to set an example for children. In addition, these activities become part of children's life. Because a good physical statement has a positive impact on thinking skills. The brain works more intensively in case if physical activity is regular. In conclusion, physical education plays an important part in the healthier lifestyle. So I strongly argue that the most effective methodology to manage obesity is by adding more physical training lessons both practically and theoretically in school curriculum
It
is argued
that rampant increase in the number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the healthcare system and one of the key remedies is to introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as a compulsory subject of the school syllabus. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates a lifelong habit of staying fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
the message of fitness to the student’s parents.

Firstly
, the main reason of obesity is insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can’t devote time to sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their sitting work. And if we want to raise our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be active and dynamic, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
inculcate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of sports from the childhood. The best way to do this is starting from school the place where they are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their time.
For example
, in order to attract pupils to play more sport, they need to create the
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
work in a team and develop their dynamic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at the same time.

Furthermore
, introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons in syllabus not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents are
also
encouraged to choose healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to set an example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
become part of children's life.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
statement has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The brain works more
intensively
in case if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is regular.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the healthier lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
strongly
argue that the most effective methodology to manage obesity is by adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training lessons both
practically
and
theoretically
in school
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
curriculum
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IELTS essay It is argued that rampant increase in the number of obese people has put a stress on the healthcare system and one of the key remedies is to introduce physical education as a compulsory subject of the school syllabus. I agree with this statement since physical education not only creates a lifelong habit of staying fit but also sends the message of fitness to the student’s parents

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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