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It is argued by a group of people that educational systems pay more attention to scientific-related studies rather than other topics such as drama or literature.

It is argued by a group of people that educational systems pay more attention to scientific-related studies rather than other topics such as drama or literature. There could be several reasons why this is the case, and I believe that it would negatively affect people’s life. On the one hand, it is believed subjects about science and technology should be given a special view in educational systems because the topics such as medical advances, computer and the Internet have a prominent role in providing welfare and also increasing longevity. Today’s, modern transportation systems create an appropriate platform which have made individual’s everyday living more convenient. For example, electrical trains are practical transportation systems not only save people’s money and time but also facilitate their movement. Moreover, there are a lot of medical researches about treatment of serious diseases such as cancers which cause patients to enjoy more health and longevity. On the other hand, some people believe more attention should be paid to art-related subjects such as drama, literature or poetry due to their significant role in the individual’s mental health. In other words, people live in a stressful situation nowadays because of their daily problems and also the pressure of their workplaces. Therefore, they need a time to relax and recuperate. It seems to watch a good theatre or listen to a relaxing music could be effective methods to unwind. In addition, it is said literature studies are excellent manners to pass the cultural identity of a nation to the younger generation because it is possible to explain traditional customs and ideas by theatre or poetry. In fact, the individual’s identity is connected to the nation’s identity, and it is necessary for students to know their ancient’s beliefs. In conclusion, despite the important role of scientific-related topics, I think educational systems should focus on literature along with scientific studies because of its vital role in people’s everyday living.
It
is argued
by a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
pay more attention to scientific-related studies
rather
than other topics such as drama or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
. There could be several reasons why this is the case, and I believe that it would
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.

On the one hand, it
is believed
subjects about science and technology should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a special view in educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the topics such as medical advances, computer and the Internet have a prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in providing welfare and
also
increasing longevity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s, modern transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
create an appropriate platform which have made individual’s everyday living more convenient.
For example
, electrical trains are practical transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
money and time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
facilitate their movement.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
medical researches about treatment of serious diseases such as cancers which cause patients to enjoy more health and longevity.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe more attention should
be paid
to art-related subjects such as drama,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
or poetry due to their significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the individual’s mental health.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a stressful situation nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their daily problems and
also
the pressure of their workplaces.
Therefore
, they need a time to relax and recuperate. It seems to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
or listen to a relaxing music could be effective methods to unwind.
In addition
, it
is said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
studies are excellent manners to pass the cultural identity of a nation to the younger generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
traditional customs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
by
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
or poetry. In fact, the individual’s identity
is connected
to the nation’s identity, and it is necessary for students to know their ancient’s beliefs.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of scientific-related topics, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
along with scientific studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
everyday living.
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IELTS essay It is argued by a group of people that educational systems pay more attention to scientific-related studies rather than other topics such as drama or literature.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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