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it is a good idea to make old people continue working if they can. do you agree or disagree with this idea?

it is a good idea to make old people continue working if they can. with this idea? G9AJx
Some people think that elder people should not continue working, while some people think that everyone should allow old people working. In my point of view, I strongly agree with the latter opinion and personally think that it is possible to give old people opportunity to continue do job that they admired. It is undeniable that allowing elder people to continue working can have some drawbacks. In case of conservative person who was not able to adapt or acknowledge that society has changed, It might be troublesome for colleagues. However, some might have a good sense and doing a fantastic job at work and it will be unfortunate if they had to retire from job that they were doing great. Moreover, those who are stay at a seniority position with the long period of time might learn the ropes and how to recycle their knowledge. To illustrate, The longer they stay at the position, the more experience they get. It is commonly for them to feel regretful for their retirement. Indeed, If one of those is the leader of the family, then he or she must work in order to help the family's financial situation. In conclusion, Elder people should have permission for continue working as long as they still have passion and energy to their duty or job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. In my point of view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion and
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is possible to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opportunity to
Probably a preposition is missing after 'continue'.
continue do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they admired.

It is undeniable that allowing elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. In case of conservative person who was not able to adapt or acknowledge that society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, It might be troublesome for colleagues.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sense and doing a fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at work and it will be unfortunate if they had to retire from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they were doing great.

Moreover
, those who are stay at a seniority position with the long period of time might learn the ropes and how to recycle their knowledge. To illustrate, The longer they stay at the position, the more experience they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. It is
commonly
for them to feel regretful for their retirement.
Indeed
, If one of those is the leader of the family, then he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the family's financial situation.

In conclusion
, Elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have permission for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as long as they
still
have passion and energy to their duty or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.

IELTS essay it is a good idea to make old people continue working if they can. with this idea?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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