Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Many young adults choose to run their own business and be their own bosses, instead of working under an employer. In my opinion, this new business model that young people are pursing is the much better option. In this essay I will support my opinion and give two reasonings, one from a financial standpoint, one from a success-rate standpoint, as to why I think being your own boss is more beneficial. When working for a big company financials can be tricky. Most young adults who are trying to start their career are exploited in their new place of work. They get paid less and they do much more work than their older colleagues. They usually get paid by an hour. Most of the time that hourly wage is very low, and these young adults don’t get money for putting in extra hours into their work. They are completely dependent on their superior’s decisions. In addition to that, those superiors’ goal is usually to is to make more money for themselves not for the people below them. This problem can be completely eradicated when working for yourself. There is no such a thing as an hourly wage and your income entirely depends on how much work, time, energy and creativity the person puts into it. Whether or not they put extra time into their work is completely up to them and is actually beneficial to their business if they decide to do so. Making a name for yourself and getting successful is a long and hard process. But this process is only prolonged or even completely erased when working for an employer. In each company there are usually a lot of people. Every one of those people is trying to move up on the ladder and gain a higher position at their job. Since so many young people are fighting for those same jobs, there is a very low chance of a person getting them. However, when a person is working for themselves there are no competitors within their own company. If they want to be more successful and gain more power in their line of business, they always have the opportunity to do so. In conclusion due the financial stability and higher success-chance you get when working for yourself, starting your own business, rather than working for someone else is the much better option.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults choose to run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bosses,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
under an employer. In my opinion, this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
model that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are pursing is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
better option. In this essay I will support my opinion and give two
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonings
, one from a financial standpoint, one from a success-rate standpoint, as to why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
being your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss is more beneficial.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
financials can be tricky. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults who are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career
are exploited
in their new place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
less and
they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than their older colleagues. They
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid by an hour. Most of the time that hourly wage is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money for putting in extra hours into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
dependent on their superior’s decisions.
In addition
to that, those superiors’ goal is
usually
to is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money for themselves not for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
below them. This problem can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
eradicated when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for yourself. There is no such a thing as an hourly wage and your income
entirely
depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, time, energy and creativity the person puts into it.
Consider shortening this phrase to just “Whether”. It is correct though if you mean ‘regardless of whether’.
Whether or not
they put extra time into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
up to them and is actually beneficial to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
if they decide to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Making a name for yourself and getting successful is a long and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
process.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this process is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prolonged or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
erased when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for an employer. In each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
there are
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Every one of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up on the ladder and gain a higher position at their job. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fighting for those same jobs, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low chance of a person getting them.

However
, when a person is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for themselves there are no competitors within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. If they want to be more successful and gain more power in their line of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, they always have the opportunity to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In conclusion
due the financial stability and higher success-chance you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for yourself, starting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for someone else is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
better option.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad
Show Comments
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
394 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts