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is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music

is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music ded2
“The music is the nutrition of soul. ” my grandfather always was saying that sentence when he listens to traditional music. Music is a really interesting thing to me because when someone listens to a kind of romantic music he/she can be too emotional but also they can not feel something in their inside. Music always more effective when you need it. If you need motivation it can motivate you or you need to speak about your feelings, you can do it with music. International music can not do that every time because you can not understand any words, just you can understand the feelings of music from the rhythm. However, it’s can not be enough, you can need the words. “Why people listen to more foreign music although we have traditional music. ” There are some reasons for it. Firstly, it is coming cool to people because you do not regular things, you are a different person, you are an elite person since you do not something which ordinary people do. Secondly, it’s funny and also more energetic so, people can think the traditional music is boring. But, they forget something, the traditional music is not just a piece of music, it reflects your culture, say who you are, where you come from, what’s your origin. Maybe, you can think it’s boring or ordinary but it’s not, it’s your best friend who will understand you, it’s a friend when you feel alone, it’s the soul of your country and your people who passed from the ways what you try to pass. In conclusion, both of them are important, you can listen to international music when you need it, also, you can listen to traditional music if you need it. But never forget where you come from.
“The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the nutrition of soul. ” my grandfather
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'was'.
always was
saying that sentence when he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
really interesting
thing to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
to a kind of romantic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
he/she can be too emotional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can not feel something in their inside.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
always more effective when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
motivation it can motivate you or you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to speak about your feelings, you can do it with music.

International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can not do that every time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can not understand any words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
you can understand the feelings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from the rhythm.
However
, it’s can not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the words. “Why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to more foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
although we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. ” There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for it.
Firstly
, it is coming cool to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you do not regular things, you are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
person, you are an elite person since you do not something which ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do.
Secondly
, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
and
also
more energetic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is boring.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they forget something, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it reflects your culture, say who you are, where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from, what’s your origin. Maybe, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s boring or ordinary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s not, it’s your best friend who will understand you, it’s a friend when you feel alone, it’s the soul of your country and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who passed from the ways what you try to pass.

In conclusion
, both of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it,
also
, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
never forget where you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from.
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IELTS essay is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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