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Is watching events or performances live better than watching those on television ?

Is watching events or performances live better than watching those on television? A3n5w
It is often said that entertainment is an important part of life. It helps the person to feel clam and relax. It keeps us happy and relief them from stress. The public can entertain themselves either by attending live events or by watching those performances on their televisions too. In this essay I’m going to discuss on both activities and give my opinion. Many people like to watch live performance, because they provide more enjoyment as we can actually watch each and every move of the performer. Watching games in a stadium, full with crowd gives them more fun and happiness, also they like to cheer their favourite sports person. A person might get chance to meet the star performer, shaking hands and taking their autographs. Some people like to go there because that place helps them in reducing their stress. Furthermore, while attending the live performances, people not only enjoy the live activities but also enjoy the things that happen in their surroundings. On the other side, watching event or performances live on television is beneficial is many ways. First of all, a person can enjoy that event in free of cost as there is no need to buy a ticket. Another thing is he can enjoy the performance in his comfort zone either by sitting or by lying in the bed, also he can enjoy snacks and drinking with viewing which it our fun. It can save our time and money of reaching to the stadium for watching game which we also see in our house only. Let us take an example of a cricket match many times it happen that due to bad weather condition the match got cancel and their purchased ticket amount gone waste, on that scenario people realized the benefit on TV. To conclude, however it is fun to watch events live, but on the other hand it seems that is a wasting of money because same entertainment is also given on television. So, in my I would like to enjoy performances on TV.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that entertainment is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to feel clam and relax.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
us happy and relief them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. The public can entertain themselves either by attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
or by watching those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
on their televisions too. In this essay I’m going to discuss on both activities and give my opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide more enjoyment as we can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
each and every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
of the performer. Watching games in a stadium,
The usual collocation for "full" is "of" not "with". Did you mean "full of"?
full with
crowd gives them more fun and happiness,
also
they like to cheer their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the star performer, shaking hands and taking their autographs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to go there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in reducing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Furthermore
, while attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the things that happen in their surroundings.

On the other side, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
on television is beneficial is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in free of cost as there is no need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a ticket. Another thing is he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
in his comfort zone either by sitting or by lying in the bed,
also
he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
snacks and drinking with viewing which it our fun. It can save our time and money of reaching to the stadium for watching game which we
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us take an example of a cricket match
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times it
Did you mean "happens"?
happen
that due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather condition the match
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
cancel and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
ticket amount gone waste, on that scenario
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realized the benefit on TV.

To conclude
,
however
it is fun to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
it seems
that is
a wasting of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
same entertainment is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
on TV.
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IELTS essay Is watching events or performances live better than watching those on television?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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