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over-protection or privacy violation

over-protection or privacy violation xx2yb
Many parents do not actually understand the true meaning of the words’ "care" and "control" for their children. Some people believe that they have the right to know what, where and whom their sons and daughters are doing, going and contacting, respectively. This leads to many controversial opinions between those who support putting control over children in the hands of those who believe that children’s privacy has to be respected. Although parents’ sacrifices are the world’s most valuable, some parents tend to leave out the empathising of children’s feelings, privacy and voices in the way they protect their youngsters. Some mothers and fathers brush their children’s feelings aside and do what they think is right. Society in the modern world is a mess, with many benefits and pitfalls that children are unaware of. Because of that, keeping children from the land mines of life is the essential action that parents are meant to do. But it would also set off a time-bomb which might blow up children’s growth if parents had not paid attention to youngsters’ feelings. Moreover, parents not only have the responsibility to take care of and raise their children, but they also need to learn to understand and respect children’s private space. Therefore, the controlling action is like a wall preventing children from sufficiently growing instead of a door to open their desired world. In some Asian countries, children are under pressure because their privacy has been violated by their parents' autism. This leads to many negative thoughts in a child's mind or even being stuck in an immature mind. Children's voices have to be listened to and understood by their family. Parents most likely have many reasonable excuses to prove that they just want to keep the best things for their children. But, most adults do not really keep their ears out for their children's desires. Because of the wrong mindset that parents have the right to do what they think is good, this leads to children not having the turn to speak out their will. Furthermore, living in a family lacking the connection between family members would lead to some social problems. In order to get parents' attention, children are more likely to become immersed in thoughtless actions that lead to many cases of crime, self- doubt or autism. To ease this issue, parents should respect and empathise with their children's voices to keep youngsters from having negative thoughts. Also, children's secrets need to be kept secret if they do not want to share them with their parents. Many opposite opinions show the disagreements about the privacy of children have to have parental interference. Because of society nowadays, with many dangers, parents are scared that their children will be vulnerable. Some people want to check their youngsters' phones and social media accounts to see whether the things they contact are good or bad for their lives. The overprotection in some people's thoughts is gradually turning into a privacy violation, imposing on their children. Parents manipulate their children to do what they expect that is good for their youngsters. However, it is not an efficient way to raise children when parents' obligations overwhelm their children's wills. In conclusion, parents must pay more attention to their children's feelings, privacy and voices, because those factors are essential in their development and growth. Parents should have to consider the way that they protect their children without violating the children's privacy space.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not actually understand the true meaning of the words’
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
care
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
control
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they have the right to know what
If " where" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, where
and whom their sons and daughters are doing, going and contacting,
respectively
. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversial opinions between those who support putting control over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the hands of those who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
privacy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be respected
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
sacrifices are the world’s most valuable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
out the
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathising' is British English.
empathising
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
, privacy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voices
in the way they protect their youngsters.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
mothers and fathers brush their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
aside and do what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is right. Society in the modern world is a mess, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and pitfalls that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are unaware of.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the land mines of life is the essential action that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are meant
to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it would
also
set off a time-bomb which might blow up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had not paid attention to youngsters’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have the responsibility to take care of and raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
need to learn to understand and respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
private space.
Therefore
, the controlling action is like a wall preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
sufficiently
growing
instead
of a door to open their desired world. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are under pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their privacy has
been violated
by their parents' autism. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts in a child's mind or even
being stuck
in an immature mind.

Children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be listened
to and understood by their family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
most likely have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasonable excuses to prove that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the best things for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, most adults do not
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their ears out for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
desires.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
mindset that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the right to do what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, this leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not having the turn to speak out their will.
Furthermore
, living in a family lacking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
family members would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social problems. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
parents' attention,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to become immersed in thoughtless actions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of crime, self- doubt or autism. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should respect and
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathise' is British English.
empathise
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voices
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
youngsters from having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
secrets need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
secret if they do not want to share them with their parents.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
opposite opinions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the disagreements about the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have parental interference.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of society nowadays, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are scared
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be vulnerable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their youngsters' phones and social media accounts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
whether the things they contact are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
overprotection
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thoughts is
gradually
turning into a privacy violation, imposing on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
manipulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their youngsters.
However
, it is not an efficient way to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when parents' obligations overwhelm their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
wills.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
, privacy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those factors are essential in their development and growth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider the way that they protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without violating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
privacy space.
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IELTS essay over-protection or privacy violation

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
572 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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