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Is using computer too much a good idea?

Is using computer too much a good idea? 5kk1N
In the first instance, since the technology started to  play an essential role in our social lives, computers, that work twice faster than phones become the most common and crucial object to develop our daily routines as well as to work more efficient in taking a task. However, either abysmal impacts or good benefits of using computers should always be noticed not to take over the limit or not to be controlled be technology severely. In fact, computers are totally required to communicate faster and better in business companies, especially in marketing or other kinds of various contacts. Moreover, computers are certainly needed to hold online dominant meetings, to create essential presentations and to be capable to explore more about our world from high-qualified computers that have the best online services. Therefore, it's certain that computers can probably work efficiently in all kinds of copious affairs we need to complete and may so appropriate and useful for all of us. On the other hand, because of the best online features and services set out by computers, people become to obsess with these ideal entertainment elements and they started to spend all their daily times, wasting just in front of the computers. In case, this cause obesity, psychological issues and other kinds of dreadful diseases such like eye stain, anyway, innumerable people are still using it for fun purpose but not in a critical way. However, this can also disturb the students' education and studies owing to the fact that most of the kids are under the control of the technology.
In the
first
instance, since the technology
started
to
 
play an essential role in our social
lives
, computers, that work twice faster than phones become the most common and crucial object to develop our daily routines
as well
as to work more efficient in taking a task.
However
, either abysmal impacts or
good
benefits of using computers should always
be noticed
not to take over the limit or not to
be controlled
be technology
severely
.

In fact, computers are
totally
required to communicate faster and better in business
companies
,
especially
in marketing or other kinds of various contacts.
Moreover
, computers are
certainly
needed to hold online dominant meetings, to create essential presentations and to be capable to explore more about our world from high-qualified computers that have the best online services.
Therefore
, it's certain that computers can
probably
work
efficiently
in all kinds of copious affairs we need to complete and may
so
appropriate and useful for all of us.

On the other hand
,
because
of the best online features and services set out by computers,
people
become to obsess with these ideal entertainment
elements and
they
started
to spend all their daily times, wasting
just
in front of the computers. In case, this cause obesity, psychological issues and other kinds of dreadful diseases such like eye stain, anyway, innumerable
people
are
still
using it for fun purpose
but
not
in a critical way
.
However
, this can
also
disturb the students' education and studies owing to the fact that most of the kids are under the control of the technology.
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IELTS essay Is using computer too much a good idea?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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