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Is the problem of unemployment acute nowadays? Why? Is this problem interconnected with the problem of wasted lives? Give your grounds.

Is the problem of unemployment acute nowadays? Why? Is this problem interconnected with the problem of wasted lives? Give your grounds. neMkn
In today's world, the old problem of unemployment is still vital for people. Most of it is due to the pandemic circumstances we live in all around the globe. Nevertheless, its origin comes from the end of the 19th century as everyone wanted to make better profits, they cut wages and started to lay off hands just like in the present. As the result of the invention of assembly lines rapidly came the substitution of manual labor, causing a lot of people to lose their jobs. Moreover, the problem of unemployment strikes back, with everyone almost kept inside of their homes in the quarantine. People are trying to learn how to live in these conditions, they are trying to work from their homes, but not everyone can adjust. The percentage of professions that are impossible to do remotely is around 70%. Hence leaves people defenseless with the risk of getting fired. I believe that it doesn't have to do anything with the problem of wasted lives, for the most part, it is the situation we have to live in right now. Personally, I do not think that a wasted life is a cause of unemployment. It is never too late to realize what to do next in your life! Do not waste your life changes! Try different things until you find something that you like and can profit from. Of course, if you don't like the way your life has come out and you don't care whether you get discharged or not, you have to change your mindset, maybe take a week off and ask yourself what could you do about it. Summarising I wanted to point out that the problem of unemployment hasn't been this big for a long time, and it does not entirely rely on the trouble of wasted lives.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is
still
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Most of it is due to the pandemic circumstances we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in all around the globe.
Nevertheless
, its origin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the 19th century as everyone wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better profits, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
wages and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to lay off hands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like in the present. As the result of the invention of assembly lines
rapidly
came the substitution of manual labor, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose their jobs.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
strikes back, with everyone almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
their homes in the quarantine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are trying to learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in these conditions, they are trying to work from their homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not everyone can adjust. The percentage of professions that are impossible to do
remotely
is around 70%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
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leaves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
defenseless with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting fired. I believe that it doesn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do anything with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
for the most part
, it is the situation we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
. It is never too late to realize what to do
next
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
! Do not waste your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
! Try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things until you find something that you like and can profit from.
Of course
, if you don't like the way your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out and you don't care whether you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discharged or not, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your mindset, maybe take a week off and ask yourself what could you do about it.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Summarising' is British English.
Summarising
I wanted to point out that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
hasn't been this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
for a long time, and it does not
entirely
rely on the trouble of wasted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
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IELTS essay Is the problem of unemployment acute nowadays? Why? Is this problem interconnected with the problem of wasted lives? Give your grounds.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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