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INDIVIDUALS AND COUNTRIES CANNOT HELP EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HELP IN THE WORLD SO THEY SHOULD ONLY BE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR OWN COMMUNITIES AND COUNTRIES

INDIVIDUALS AND COUNTRIES CANNOT HELP EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HELP IN THE WORLD SO THEY SHOULD ONLY BE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR OWN COMMUNITIES AND COUNTRIES lxMDJ
It is true that every country should secure their own territory and population in as much as states and private people are not able to support everyone who needs assistance Today there are a large number of people who are experiencing the need and who live on a grand scale due to this fact. I equally agree and disagree with this statement although the government can organize funds and help people as a result they can demonstrate unity. Staties can experience an economic crisis as the result country cannot be developed Furthermore it affects to beneficial of country. on the one hand, a country can assistance to people in this case if the government or private individuals fund a project which will support people financially. Here I want to say wealthy people and developed countries can become as a whole and sponsor organizations on the ground that some people spend money on unneeded things. For instance, wealthy people buy an expensive bag for their dog moreover countries built buildings from gold in order to show themselves. Thus some extent individuals and states can help poor people On the other hand, individuals and countries can not help people in as much as states can experience an economic crisis. Meaning that this approach for help adds to the misery of a country. This is mainly because if the government and wealthy people will spend their income on a charity they would not provide for their own needs. For example, Elon musk can not help people financially in as much as he needs money in order to colonize Mars or Dubai is not able to help people because they should have good finance in order to provide their population with water. Hence individuals and countries can not assistance everyone materially To sum up I think each person should work and be able to support themselves instead of surviving and waiting when someone to help them
It is true that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should secure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
territory and population in as much as states and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to support everyone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
assistance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are experiencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
and who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on a grand scale due to this fact. I
equally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and disagree with this statement although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can organize funds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a result
they can demonstrate unity.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Staties
can experience an economic crisis as the result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot
be developed
Furthermore
it affects to beneficial of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this case
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
fund a project which will support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
. Here I want to say wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can become as a whole and sponsor organizations on the ground that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend money on unneeded things.
For instance
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an expensive bag for their dog
moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
built buildings from gold in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
themselves.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and states can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in as much as states can experience an economic crisis. Meaning that this approach for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the misery of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will spend their income on a charity they would not provide for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Elon musk
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
in as much as he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
money in order to colonize Mars or Dubai is not able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
finance in order to provide their population with water.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can not assistance everyone
materially
To sum up I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each person should work and be able to support themselves
instead
of surviving and waiting when someone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them
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IELTS essay INDIVIDUALS AND COUNTRIES CANNOT HELP EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HELP IN THE WORLD SO THEY SHOULD ONLY BE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR OWN COMMUNITIES AND COUNTRIES

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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