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Is the advertising the best?

Is the advertising the best? 15e17
There are many kinds of advertisements. They are boards on the internet, paper leaflets, videos, etc. I have an image of young people using smartphones every hour these days. In fact, it is said that young people in Japan use their smartphones for an average of four hours a day. Also, when using it, SNS was the most common. SNS tends to spread quickly to the world. In fact, there are many people and places that have become famous through SNS. For example, Karato Market in Yamaguchi Prefecture is one of them. Karato Market become famous through Instagram. It’s called “bae” and it became a famous tourist spot because of the photos people posted on Instagram. It is now crowded with many tourists. I think this is also advertising function. In modern times, advertisements are occupied by SNS, and I think it will continue to increase. Speaking of advertisements, I often watch them on YouTube. When I watch music or video on YouTube, it plays in the middle. I think the effect is outstanding. I sometimes just look at some advertisements that come out while I’m watching YouTube. I bought a product that I was interested in that way. I think there are many other people like me. However, while some people say advertising is the best way to encourage shopping, others say it is commonplace. I don’t think so. I believe that shopping consists of advertising. So I think advertising plays an important role. Therefore, I think advertising is important.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. They are boards on the internet, paper leaflets, videos, etc. I have an image of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using smartphones every hour these days. In fact, it
is said
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their smartphones for an average of four hours a day.
Also
, when using it, SNS was the most common. SNS tends to spread
quickly
to the world. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and places that have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
through SNS.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karato
Market in Yamaguchi Prefecture is one of them.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karato
Market become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
through Instagram. It’s called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
bae
” and it became a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tourist spot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the photos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
posted on Instagram. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
crowded with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this is
also
advertising function. In modern times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are occupied
by SNS, and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
it will continue to increase.

Speaking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them on YouTube. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
music or video on YouTube, it plays in the middle. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the effect is outstanding. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out while I’m watching YouTube.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a product that I
was interested
in that way.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like me.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say advertising is the best way to encourage shopping, others say it is commonplace. I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. I believe that shopping consists of advertising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
advertising plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
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IELTS essay Is the advertising the best?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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