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Is it good for children to have paid jobs

Is it good for children to have paid jobs ramYl
In today's society, children in Asian countries are engaged in some kind of work considerd it is very normal, because some poor families don't have much money so they let their children get engaged and the boy's family will give the girl's family money and they will keep the bride in their house to do housework and be a mother. When the girls be the mother, they will learn to take care the baby and do simple things at home while the husband will go out and do hard things to ear money. That is kind of a simple family but some people, they think it is not fair for the children like girl, they're too young to be a mother and they need to study and do what they want. In my opinion, children should be taken care and gone to school to learn and do the thins that they dream of. Every children should have equality and the right to get engaged when they are ready. In addition, countries in the world should have a rule that people who under 18 can't get engaged and children in that country must go to school. People in the world should encourage children go to school and do not get engaged when you're under 18.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Asian countries are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaged
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of work
Possible spelling mistake found.
considerd
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
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families
don't have much money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaged
and the boy's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will give the girl's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the bride in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to do housework and be a mother. When the girls be the mother, they will learn to take care the baby and do simple things at home while the husband will go out and do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
things to ear money.
That is
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
simple
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family
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but
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some
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people
, they
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think
it is not
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fair
for the
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children
like girl, they're too young to be a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mother and
they need to study and do what they want. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taken
care and gone to school to learn and do the thins that they dream of. Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
should have equality and the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaged
when they are ready.
In addition
, countries in the world should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who under 18 can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaged
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in that country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the world should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
go to school and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engaged
when you're under 18.
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IELTS essay Is it good for children to have paid jobs

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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