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Is it cruel to keep animals in zoo

Is it cruel to keep animals in zoo Kl8Q0
Nowadays, there are more and more zoos rising all over the world. Even in some countries, governments invest huge money to build up zoos as a destination for tourists. However they get little approval from citizens, many argue that it is so cruel to keep animals in these places. I agree with this idea and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples. Firstly, zoos make animals lack mental stimulation and survival skills. Because of being separated from their natural habitat for too long, so it's difficult for them to return to wildlife. For example, a tiger born and growing up in a zoo environment couldn't know how to hunt prey and live out of the available food. Moreover, the conditions and facilities of some of the zoos, such as someones in Vietnam, are not well preserved and developed, on top of that, the hot and humid weather of Vietnam might make a huge difficulty for them. It means that they have to suffer unnatural temperatures in zoos. Secondly, zoos deprived animals of their freedom. As a result, they get depressed, psychologically disturbed, and harm each other. These animals cannot live as they wish to live. It is worth saying that in zoos, animals such as dolphins or sea lions are forced to perform in front of hundreds of camera flashes and people who spend hours in front of their cages to watch but learn nothing. On the other hand, there is an argument that these places will be a good idea to preserve the endangered species and educate children about the animal world. It is believed that visiting the zoo will help increase their vocabulary and comprehension skills. In conclusion, zoos will be a great place if they only keep the endangered animals and upgrade to animals to be eligible to adopt.
Nowadays, there are more and more zoos rising all over the world. Even in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
invest huge money to build up zoos as a destination for tourists.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
approval from citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
cruel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in these places. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay, I will support my opinion with examples.

Firstly
, zoos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
lack mental stimulation and survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
being separated
from their natural habitat for too long,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's difficult for them to return to wildlife.
For example
, a tiger born and growing up in a zoo environment couldn't know how to hunt prey and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
out of the available food.
Moreover
, the conditions and facilities of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
zoos, such as someones in Vietnam, are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well preserved
and developed,
on top of that
, the hot and humid weather of Vietnam might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge difficulty for them. It means that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer unnatural temperatures in zoos.

Secondly
, zoos deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
of their freedom.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depressed,
psychologically
disturbed, and harm each other. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
as they wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. It is worth saying that in zoos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
such as dolphins or sea lions
are forced
to perform in front of hundreds of camera flashes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who spend hours in front of their cages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
learn nothing.

On the other hand
, there is an argument that these places will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to preserve the endangered species and educate children about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
world. It
is believed
that visiting the zoo will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase their vocabulary and comprehension
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, zoos will be a great place if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the endangered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and upgrade to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to be eligible to adopt.
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IELTS essay Is it cruel to keep animals in zoo

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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