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In recent years , families and family structure changed .why is this .do you thing it is positive and negative?

In recent years, families and family structure changed. why is this. do you thing it is positive and negative? alM17
It is irrefutable that family roles and family structure has changed due to the regular affection of human existence, thus it bring many alternations in community whether it is useful or not. Based on my viewpoint, I strongly concur with this idea that changes in family are positive. Taking into account certain factors, it is justified to believe that how family role, and responsibilities have been changed. First and foremost, these days, women and men excute work, which brings equality that they can devoted their money on household expenditure and others.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
roles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to the regular affection of human existence,
thus
it
Did you mean "brings"?
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternations in community whether it is useful or not. Based on my viewpoint, I
strongly
concur with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

Taking into account certain factors, it
is justified
to believe that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
role, and responsibilities have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
First
and foremost, these days, women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Possible spelling mistake found.
excute
work, which brings equality that they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "devote"
devoted
their money on household expenditure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
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IELTS essay In recent years, families and family structure changed. why is this. do you thing it is positive and negative?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
91 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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