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International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country visited. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.2

International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country visited. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 2
Tourism is one of the main industries nowadays. While I agree that overseas tourists can have bad impacts to the countries they come, I would argue that this is not entirely true because countries can gain benefits from tourists as well. On the one hand, tourists can affect badly to countries. Firstly, there is an inordinate number of tourists travelling every year. Many of whom litter recklessly and can do harm to the environment. For example, the increasing amount of traffic on the road leads to a great deal of deterioration such as air abuse, noise corruption, . . . Therefore, some countries have to face with serious deterioration problems. Furthermore, places such as monuments, museums Are tourists’ favourite locations. However, damage can be caused. If fewer people visit such historical places, they can remain intact and undamaged. On the other hand, I believe tourist brings more advantages than disadvantages. First of all, in order to fulfil the demand of visitors, a range of service industries is created such as restaurants, hotels, theatres, . . . Not only this can help the government make more money, but also enable people to find jobs, which solve the unemployment problems. Secondly, people can have a better understanding about the countries they visit. As a result, tourism is a way to tighten the relationship among all countries over the world. Finally, if tourists have wonderful time discovering cultures, they can help countries promote their images. For instance, travel-bloggers usually make videos on YouTube to recommend favourable destinations. If a country does not have a great number of tourists, it can be considered as uninteresting places. In conclusion, while it is true that overseas tourists can do harm, I believe that the benefits they bring to such countries are more vital.
Tourism is one of the main industries nowadays. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
, I would argue that this is not
entirely
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can gain benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
as well
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can affect
badly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, there is an inordinate number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
travelling every year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of whom litter
recklessly
and can do harm to the environment.
For example
, the increasing amount of traffic on the road leads to a great deal of deterioration such as air abuse, noise corruption
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with serious deterioration problems.
Furthermore
, places such as monuments, museums Are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists’
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
locations.
However
, damage can
be caused
. If fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit such historical places, they can remain intact and undamaged.

On the other hand
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
brings more advantages than disadvantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in order to fulfil the demand of visitors, a range of service industries
is created
such as restaurants, hotels,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to find jobs, which solve the unemployment problems.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have a better understanding about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they visit.
As a result
, tourism is a way to tighten the relationship among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
over the world.
Finally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have wonderful time discovering cultures, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
promote their images.
For instance
, travel-bloggers
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
videos on YouTube to recommend
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
destinations. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
does not have a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, it can
be considered
as uninteresting places.

In conclusion
, while it is true that overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can do harm, I believe that the benefits they bring to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are more vital.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay International travel has many advantages to both travelers and the country visited. Do you think advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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