Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified? v.1

International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified? v. 1
Universal entertainers, containing sports individuals, frequently acquire millions of dollars in a single year. From my point of view, these devastating incomes are absolutely unfair while the world is dealing with a great scale of poverty. The solution for this type of matter undoubtedly must be established as soon as possible. When wealthy part of people started to incline attractive and dashing entertainment the entertaining agencies' jobs initialized to grow and improve. Improvements enhanced the scale of amusement sphere. Consequently, the supervisors and main individuals of this entity handled the currency circulation soon and easily. Today the rich spend a large amount of money on sport and entertaining facilities. for instances, in only 2 or 3 weeks long European Olympic Games millions of dollars are allocated by Azerbaijan's government this year. Although these games have many profits for a country, in my opinion, the disadvantages of this issue are more than offset by advantages. Maybe some people think that these enormous salaries for sports people and entertainers are the value of their effort and work. Nonetheless, I am on the side of people who are contrary to this kind of insight. And this contradiction is not arbitrary because people who suffer from famine, unfortunately, are the predominant part of our humanity. I believe it is not right to impose such amount of money and support to joys contributing it towards the relief for people who are in need of it. Nevertheless, I believe that people who are in aware of their environment's issues will do the right thing. In these days, some companies and entities which are built to solve these problems have undertaken to provide money and support for famine relief.
Universal entertainers, containing sports individuals,
frequently
acquire millions of dollars in a single year. From my point of view, these devastating incomes are
absolutely
unfair while the world is dealing with a great scale of poverty. The solution for this type of matter
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be established
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.

When wealthy part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to incline attractive and dashing entertainment the entertaining agencies' jobs initialized to grow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. Improvements enhanced the scale of amusement sphere.
Consequently
, the supervisors and main individuals of this entity handled the currency circulation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and
easily
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
the rich spend a large amount of money on sport and entertaining facilities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instances, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 or 3 weeks long European Olympic Games millions of dollars
are allocated
by Azerbaijan's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
this year. Although these games have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
profits for a country, in my opinion, the disadvantages of this issue are more than offset by advantages.

Maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these enormous salaries for sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and entertainers are the value of their effort and work. Nonetheless, I am on the side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are contrary to this kind of insight. And this contradiction is not arbitrary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from famine, unfortunately, are the predominant part of our humanity. I believe it is not right to impose such amount of money and support to joys contributing it towards the relief for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in need of it.

Nevertheless
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in aware of their environment's issues will do the right thing. In these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and entities which
are built
to solve these problems have undertaken to provide money and support for famine relief.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay International entertainers, including sports personalities, often get paid millions of dollars in one year. In your view, with widespread poverty in the world, are these huge earnings justified? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts