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Integrated speaking (question 4)the articles is about shark and the lecture mentioned an example of it v.1

Integrated speaking (question 4)the articles is about shark and the lecture mentioned an example of it v. 1
People have different views about whether watching television is educational or harmful for children. While there are some downsides to watching TV for children, I believe that children can learn a plethora of things by watching the right content on the television. On the one hand, watching TV in excess can have detrimental effects on children. Firstly, watching television for long hours can make children physically feeble and it may affect their eyesight. Secondly, in today’s jet set age most of the families are nuclear and both of the parents are working, so it is possible for the children to get exposed to harmful / inappropriate content. For instance, there is adult content in every movie and sitcom nowadays and also film stars are seen drinking alcohol and doing drugs on television. This could have a detrimental effect on children. On the other hand, watching TV can be beneficial for learning new things for the children, if they are allowed to watch for limited time and under the supervision of elders. I believe there are numerous channels such as Discovery, National Geographic and Animal Planet which telecast programmes that are educational and thus enhance a child’s cognitive skills. These types of channels broadcast episodes related to science in daily life, flora and fauna, and biodiversity. Children can learn a lot about nature by watching these on the television. In conclusion, watching TV in excess can be detrimental for children, but I believe that it could be educational if seen if watched for a short amount of time under parental supervision.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether watching television is educational or harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to watching TV for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn a plethora of things by watching the right content on the television.

On the one hand, watching TV in excess can have detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, watching television for long hours can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
physically
feeble and it may affect their eyesight.
Secondly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s jet set age most of the families are nuclear and both of the parents are working,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is possible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to harmful / inappropriate content.
For instance
, there is adult content in every movie and sitcom nowadays and
also
film stars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
drinking alcohol and doing drugs on television. This could have a detrimental effect on children.

On the other hand
, watching TV can be beneficial for learning new things for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
for limited time and under the supervision of elders. I believe there are numerous channels such as Discovery, National Geographic and Animal Planet which telecast
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
that are educational and
thus
enhance a child’s cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. These types of channels broadcast episodes related to science in daily life, flora and fauna, and biodiversity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn a lot about nature by watching these on the television.

In conclusion
, watching TV in excess can be detrimental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that it could be educational if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Did you mean "is"?
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
for a short amount of time under parental supervision.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Integrated speaking (question 4)the articles is about shark and the lecture mentioned an example of it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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