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Integrated Quest 5: Describe the woman's problem and the two suggestions that her friend makes about how to handle it. What do you think the woman should do, and why? v.1

Integrated Quest 5: Describe the woman's problem and the two suggestions that her friend makes about how to handle it. What do you think the woman should do, and why? v. 1
In certain areas of the world, it becomes a trend to have a pedigree analysis of one’s own family because people want to be aware of their medical history due to growing disease rate nowadays. In my opinion, it is a positive approach as it would help them to identify suspected inherited syndromes. Firstly, in recent years, a huge number of people prefer pedigree analysis of their families since they want to inquire their family background related to certain diseases as it is increasingly prevalent around the globe. Moreover, it would help them to investigate genetic ailments which run in the families and would eventually express in future generations, so family tree would help people to pre-diagnose congenital diseases, for instance, hearing loss is a genetic disorder which runs in the families of various regions of Pakistan. Hence, knowing the family roots will enable people to be aware of foreseeing circumstances. Secondly, I believe, diagnosing suspected genetic syndromes using family tree would help people to get early counselling about particular disorders as it would help them to take preliminary precaution and have a proper medical checkup on time, furthermore, it would help people to know more about their family customs, values, culture and even intelligence. For instance, in our country cousin marriages in one of the leading causes of hearing loss in the families so by having family background information people can stop consanguineous marriages. To conclude, in numerous countries of the world, people prefer to have family background research as it would help them to inquire various suspected diseases which run in their families and ultimately affect next generations. I believe it is an optimistic approach because it will help them to take precautionary measures to control such ailments and also it will be beneficial in a long run for people to know about their family roots, history, customs and values.
In certain areas of the world, it becomes a trend to have a pedigree analysis of one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be aware of their medical history due to growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
rate nowadays. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
approach as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to identify suspected inherited syndromes.

Firstly
, in recent years, a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer pedigree analysis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
since they want to inquire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background related to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
as it is
increasingly
prevalent around the globe.
Moreover
, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to investigate genetic ailments which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
run
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and would
eventually
express in future generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-diagnose
congenital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
for instance
, hearing loss is a genetic disorder which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
runs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
of various regions of Pakistan.
Hence
, knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
roots will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be aware of foreseeing circumstances.

Secondly
, I believe, diagnosing suspected genetic syndromes using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
early counselling about particular disorders as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to take preliminary precaution and have a proper medical checkup on time,
furthermore
, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
customs, values, culture and even intelligence.
For instance
, in our country cousin marriages in one of the leading causes of hearing loss in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
consanguineous marriages.

To conclude
, in numerous countries of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background research as it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to inquire various suspected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
run
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
ultimately
affect
next
generations. I believe it is an optimistic approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to take precautionary measures to control such ailments and
also
it will be beneficial in a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
run
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
roots, history, customs and values.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Integrated Quest 5: Describe the woman's problem and the two suggestions that her friend makes about how to handle it. What do you think the woman should do, and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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