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Integrated Essay "Competition in the Classroom"

Integrated Essay "Competition in the Classroom" PLGEw
Competition and co-operation go hand in hand. For an individual or a body to succeed or make progress both the techniques should be used from time to time. Excess of either of them is frowned upon and not beneficial in the conclusion. there are a number of research which agrees with the statement above. The first paragraph suggests that competition is good and healthy. It is to increase the overall motivation to complete an assigned task. The motivation to overcome a task among the high achieving students in a competitive class is much higher. Due to being self-motivated students tend to self-learn. Thus they put out their best foot forward to grind hard to achieve success. The example of athletes portrays just this, that when they practice in a competitive environment, they tend to perform better. On the other hand, the professor challenges this point saying high rate of competition causes performance anxiety which in turn can lead to numerous things. To list out a few: increased cheating percentage, low self esteem on loosing, fear of failure, interferences in learning, antagonism among participants, so on and so forth. In the next paragraph the author states that with help of competition, students push each other to excel better hence maximising the overall productivity. The example talks about how competition in classroom regarding reading books pushes each candidate to read more and more books. This leads to overall elevated percentage of number of books read by each candidate. Whereas the professor in the audio refuses to agree to this. He says that with the help of co-operation among students, there is a significant increase in the productivity. He further states the statistics between cooperation and completion, which clearly shows half of the subjects under test preferred co-operation over completion while the rest 25% do not discriminate. Lastly, the third paragraph talks about team based competition. this competition makes learning more entertaining and interesting. Few competitions like spelling bees, science projects, group quizzes is a far more better technique of learning than the rest. Lecture, memorising methods are boring and outdated, whereas national competition and Olympiad are way more fun. But the professor in the audio calls in question this by stating competition is a traditional and contemporary method. Sometimes due to excessive completion we lose sense of the spontaneous fun which is incurred during learning. Also, in cases where there are distinct winners and losers, the later tend to have no fun.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
and co-operation go hand in hand. For an individual or a body to succeed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress both the techniques should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
from time to time. Excess of either of them
is frowned
upon and not beneficial in the conclusion.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are
Possible agreement error. The noun research seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much research", "a good deal of research".
a number of research
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement above.

The
first
paragraph suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and healthy. It is to increase the
overall
motivation to complete an assigned task. The motivation to overcome a task among the high achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is much higher. Due to being self-motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to self-learn.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they put out their best foot forward to grind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve success. The example of athletes portrays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
this, that when they practice in a competitive environment, they tend to perform better.
On the other hand
, the professor challenges this point saying high rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
causes performance anxiety which in turn can lead to numerous things. To list out a few: increased cheating percentage, low
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
on loosing, fear of failure, interferences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, antagonism among participants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.

In the
next
paragraph the author states that with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
push each other to excel better
hence
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximising' is British English.
maximising
the
overall
productivity. The example talks about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in classroom regarding reading books pushes each candidate to read more and more books. This leads to
overall
elevated percentage of number of books read by each candidate.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the professor in the audio refuses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this. He says that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of co-operation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, there is a significant increase in the productivity. He
further
states the statistics between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperation
and completion, which
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
half of the subjects under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
Use "to" with "prefer." You probably meant this: "preferred co-operation to completion".
preferred co-operation over completion
while the rest 25% do not discriminate.

Lastly
, the third paragraph talks about team based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
more entertaining and interesting. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
like spelling bees, science projects, group quizzes is a far
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
technique of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
than the rest. Lecture,
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
methods are boring and outdated, whereas national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
and Olympiad are way more fun.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the professor in the audio calls in question this by stating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is a traditional and contemporary method.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
due to excessive completion we lose sense of the spontaneous fun which
is incurred
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Also
, in cases where there are distinct winners and losers, the later tend to have no fun.
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IELTS essay Integrated Essay "Competition in the Classroom"

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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