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In the past, the older generation was a source of knowledge and experience. Nowadays, the older generation has little understanding or experience of the modern world. Has this had any negative impact on the way the elderly are treated by society and the family? What could be done to solve this situation? v.1

In the past, the older generation was a source of knowledge and experience. Nowadays, the older generation has little understanding or experience of the modern world. Has this had any negative impact on the way the elderly are treated by society and the family? What could be done to solve this situation? v. 1
Society is indeed growing at the unparalleled rate that senior members cannot keep up with. However, I disagree with the notion that the elderly without knowledge or experience about the cutting-edge world can adversely affect the way they are treated by communities and their family as I believe that many measures can be taken to tackle this issue. To begin with, although old members may not be as imaginative as younger members, they have a great deal of experience in working as well as family life. Therefore, society and family always respect them for their contribution to communities and families. In the workplace setting, technologies such as computers, printers, or telephones help employees do their tasks effectively, but they cannot be so wise as those with experience. For example, the senior may solve conflicts between employees and managers or be aware of human-related problems such as pressure or sicknesses. To combat the age gap between generations, some remedies should be conducted for families and governments. From the family perspective, junior family members should devote some of their free time to communicating or taking part in their senior members’ social activities. For example, children can instruct their grandparents how to use computers or mobile phones instead of playing online games on their own. For the social perspective, governments should organize some clubs, events or competitions exclusively for the elderly. This is a way to demonstrate that older members are still useful for society. For example, in Vietnam, there is a competition called “The older, the wiser” where the aged can socialize and pass their wisdom down following generations. In conclusion, it seems to me that the elderly play a crucial role in any community and there are always methods to resolve this malady.
Society is
indeed
growing at the unparalleled rate that senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with.
However
, I disagree with the notion that the elderly without knowledge or experience about the cutting-edge world can
adversely
affect the way they
are treated
by communities and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
measures can
be taken
to tackle this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
may not be as imaginative as younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, they have a great deal of experience in working
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.
Therefore
, society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always respect them for their contribution to communities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In the workplace setting, technologies such as computers, printers, or telephones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
employees do their tasks
effectively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wise as those with experience.
For example
, the senior may solve conflicts between employees and managers or be aware of human-related problems such as pressure or sicknesses.

To combat the age gap between generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedies should
be conducted
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
perspective, junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their free time to communicating or taking part in their senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members’
social activities.
For example
, children can instruct their grandparents how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers or mobile phones
instead
of playing online games on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. For the social perspective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clubs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or competitions exclusively for the elderly. This is a way to demonstrate that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are
still
useful for society.
For example
, in Vietnam, there is a competition called “The older, the wiser” where the aged can socialize and pass their wisdom down following generations.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the elderly play a crucial role in any community and there are always methods to resolve this malady.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, the older generation was a source of knowledge and experience. Nowadays, the older generation has little understanding or experience of the modern world. Has this had any negative impact on the way the elderly are treated by society and the family? What could be done to solve this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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