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Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace 151kW
Modern life runs so quickly, that today everybody has an access to the internet and we are all conected. It gives the opportunity to work online outside their workplace. Whereas there are obvious advantages, unfortunatelly a number of detrimental drawbacks exists. First of all, let remind that in most cases work atmosphere has great influence on our capacity and energy. Moreover it affects greately on concentration, whilst working alone may decrease this important parameter. Most of my friends just can not work at home becouse of everyminute distraction on other things like TV or just rest time. In addition, working online may require much more time to understand a task, find needful information and etc. An office provides you with instant connentions with collegues and your boss and the time for an information changing decline significant. Despite of these undesired drawbacks, I am obvliously sure that working ourside of workplace has plenty on advantages and it is one of greatest tips of using internet. The mobility, which is given by that type of work, helps to spend our time more effectively. There is no need to wake up at 6 o’clock with bad mood and without willingness to work. Thus, an organization acquire workers that really want to bring something new every day, they have the energy. Furthermore, mobility work may help to hire great skilled people from the whole world. Nowadays there is no need to come in a new country for getting a job, just connect to the internet and do the same job from you home or even train, plane and so on. Summing up, outside work has a great number of positive consequenses as well as detrimental features. I think humanity will cope with bad influence by producing new technologies.
Modern life runs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
everybody has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
we are all
Possible spelling mistake found.
conected
. It gives the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
online outside their workplace. Whereas there are obvious advantages,
Possible spelling mistake found.
unfortunatelly
a number of detrimental drawbacks exists.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
remind that
in most cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
atmosphere has great influence on our capacity and energy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it affects
Possible spelling mistake found.
greately
on concentration, whilst working alone may decrease this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parameter. Most of my friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyminute
distraction on other things like TV or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rest time.

In addition
, working online may require much more time to understand a task, find needful information
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. An office provides you with instant
Possible spelling mistake found.
connentions
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
collegues
and your boss and the time for an information changing decline significant.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
these undesired drawbacks, I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
obvliously
sure that working
Possible spelling mistake found.
ourside
of workplace has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
on advantages and it is one of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
tips of using internet. The mobility, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by that type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to spend our time more
effectively
. There is no need to wake up at 6 o’clock with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood and without willingness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thus
, an organization acquire workers that
really
want to bring something new every day, they have the energy.

Furthermore
, mobility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to hire great skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the whole world. Nowadays there is no need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in a new country for getting a job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
connect to the internet and do the same job from you home or even train,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Summing up, outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has a great number of
Did you mean "positives"?
positive
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequenses
as well
as detrimental features. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
humanity will cope with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence by producing new technologies.
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IELTS essay Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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