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Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.30

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. v. 30
The consciousness of saving habitat and environment has become crucial in this contemporary world. It is argued by some politicians and activists that biodiversity and nature could only save if governments and giant corporate companies are involved rather than individuals’ minor effort. I strongly support this belief and this essay will examine how to tackle this issue. First of all, the pollution which affects the environment in a bad way is mostly caused by factories. Many factories around the world release its gases to the atmosphere and wastewaters to river or sea. To prevent the environment, owners of the companies have to be informed by authorities to take actions. However, it has been observed that these facilities do not tend to take the necessary precautions. Furthermore, governments should take care of nature and variety of species. In other words, if the governments publish a law to ensure that factories have to have an efficient water treatment system for wastewater and filter system for hazardous gases, the habitat could be saved. On the other hand, the environmental activists have been protesting the governments and factories for a long time to press them to raise not only the power of the laws but also awareness of the importance of saving the environment. Moreover, most of the citizens generally pay attention to not throw out the garbage to forest or streets. In fact, as per academic research published by WHO, it states that the effect of the individual movement to improve the environment is only 5%, while the law is %40 and giant companies and their facilities are %55. In conclusion, in the light of information given above, I am strongly convinced that while all citizens take an action to develop and save nature by protesting or individually, the governments should publish a law to guarantee that the companies take action due to their impact area.
The consciousness of saving habitat and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
has become crucial in this contemporary world. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
politicians and activists that biodiversity and nature could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and giant corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are involved
rather
than individuals’ minor effort. I
strongly
support this belief and this essay will examine how to tackle this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the pollution which affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way is
mostly
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
around the world release its gases to the atmosphere and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wastewaters
to river or sea. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, owners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be informed
by authorities to take actions.
However
, it has
been observed
that these facilities do not tend to take the necessary precautions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should take care of nature and variety of species.
In other words
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
publish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have an efficient water treatment system for wastewater and filter system for hazardous gases, the habitat could
be saved
.

On the other hand
, the environmental activists have been protesting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
for a long time to press them to raise not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the power of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
awareness of the importance of saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Moreover
, most of the citizens
generally
pay attention to not throw out the garbage to forest or streets. In fact, as per academic research published by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, it states that the effect of the individual movement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
is %40 and giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and their facilities are %55.

In conclusion
, in the light of information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, I am
strongly
convinced that while all citizens take an action to develop and save nature by protesting or
individually
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should publish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
to guarantee that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
take action due to their impact area.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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