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Individual are responsible for their own happiness v/s happiness is dependent on external factors

Individual are responsible for their own happiness v/s happiness is dependent on external factors xg92a
Being happy is the key factor for an individual’s well-being. Myriad people opine that everyone is accountable for their own joy’s. In contrast, there are some groups of people who think that various outer factors are the reason behind one’s happiness. This essay will discuss both the arguments with the real instances, and I will portrait my view further in the essay. To commence with, for some people happiness is not only the prime thing to achieve but also the efforts behind this area also plays a vital role. There are many facts which prove that the feeling of being happy relies on a person itself. Firstly, an individual understands themselves more clearly than the others and that’s what makes the difference in terms of thinking, believing and overall living. Achieving milestones in life for better, decision making abilities, eager to learn all such for developing own-self make any person happy. To elaborate further, poor people are in a rat race to earn bread and butter, in such cases the positivity from within keeps them happy and healthy. In addition to that, in my view, I like to keep others happy that doubles the joy in me. On the other hand, other contradicting views are on having external factors that make life happy. Such factors are: Money which buy branded clothing, expensive gadgets, holidays where personal feel top to their life. Similarly, Fame and popularity, in other words the attention of others plays an important role to make one valued where they feel happy. Despite these factors, their relevancy of happiness is not up to the mark. For example, Holiday for a week or a month can make a temporary impact, just like with an expensive mobile phone or clothing, after having them for a while, they are considered to be less important and don’t make a person happy for a long time. Many film stars were one so popular, but as soon as they stopped gaining the same fame in their life, they took extreme steps like subside. To sum the arguments, there are other factors which add to the happiness in a person’s life but it’s for a time bound. I believe if you keep yourself happy that makes a huge difference in your lifetime
Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
is the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for an individual’s well-being. Myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that everyone is accountable for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
joy’s.
In contrast
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that various outer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are the reason behind one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. This essay will discuss both the arguments with the real instances, and I
The word 'portrait' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will portrait
my view
further
in the essay.

To commence with, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the prime thing to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the efforts behind this area
also
plays a vital role. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts which prove that the feeling of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
relies on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
itself.
Firstly
, an individual understands themselves more
clearly
than the others and that’s what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the difference in terms of thinking, believing and
overall
living. Achieving milestones in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for better,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
abilities, eager to learn all such for developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
-self
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. To elaborate
further
, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in a rat race to earn bread and butter, in such cases the positivity from within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and healthy.
In addition
to that, in my view, I like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
that doubles the joy in me.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
contradicting views are on having external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are: Money which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
branded clothing, expensive gadgets, holidays where personal feel top to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Similarly
, Fame and popularity, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words the attention of others plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one valued where they feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Despite these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
, their relevancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is not up to the mark.
For example
, Holiday for a week or a month can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a temporary impact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like with an expensive mobile phone or clothing, after having them for a while, they
are considered
to be less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
for a long time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
film stars were one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
gaining the same fame in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they took extreme steps like subside.

To sum the arguments, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s for a time bound. I believe if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
yourself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a huge difference in your
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lifetime
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IELTS essay Individual are responsible for their own happiness v/s happiness is dependent on external factors

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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