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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 2: Agree or disagree? Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. v.1

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 2: Agree or disagree? Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. v. 1
here is no doubt that art is important but it is debatable whether it should be sponsored by the government. Some people insist that the government is wasting money on arts. In their opinion, it is important to spend this money on more useful things. I agree with this view. For one thing, arts promotions and events can be organized by many other private organizations or society clubs and you do not really need a government intervention to run the show. There are many clubs such as Lion’s club or YMCC clubs that can take the initiative and sponsor such events. For example, a music program or an exhibition of paintings can be organized by a local club and there is no need for the government to sponsor it. There are also many rich people who take pleasure in sponsoring art shows and programmes. When the government does not have to spend money on arts it can focus on developing core areas like education, healthcare and infrastructure. Poverty, illiteracy and malnutrition are still a major problem in many countries around the world. For example, in India, millions of students still do not go to school. Likewise, there are numerous homeless people. Therefore, instead of spending the public funds on arts, the government should try to improve the health of its people. It should ensure that all children are going to school and they have access to good food and potable water. In conclusion, while arts events and programmes are important for the society, they should not be sponsored by the tax money contributed by people. The government should focus on more important areas and use its money for the benefit and upliftment of the human society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
here
is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is debatable whether it should
be sponsored
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In their opinion, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to spend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on more useful things. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

For one thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
promotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can
be organized
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other private organizations or society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
and you do not
really
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention to run the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
such as Lion’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
YMCC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
that can take the initiative and sponsor such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, a music program or an exhibition of paintings can
be organized
by a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
and there is no need for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to sponsor it. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take pleasure in sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
it can focus on developing core areas like education, healthcare and infrastructure. Poverty, illiteracy and malnutrition are
still
a major problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world.
For example
, in India, millions of students
still
do not go to school.
Likewise
, there are numerous homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
instead
of spending the public funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It should ensure that all children are going to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they have access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
food and potable water.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for the society, they should not
be sponsored
by the tax
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
contributed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
areas and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the benefit and
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of the human society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 2: Agree or disagree? Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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