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Increasing taxon fast food

Increasing taxon fast food BYGx6
On the one hand, it is true that increasing cost of fast food may deal with obesity. First and foremost, many people have used fast food as the main meal because of their busy schedule. As a result, when cost of fast food is increased, they would switch from eating fast food to home-cooked meals, which would save their money. Second, making fast food more expensive would make less students or low income people buy that. For example, in Vietnam, we will eat street food more often if cost of fast food is higher. Therefore, this solution seems reasonable. On the other hand, there are many better solutions could be introduced. On the governmental level, states should encourage people to improve their health. By building more sport centers and parks, citizens have more area for physical activities such as walking, running, … It would be futile without each individuals actively taking care better of their fitness. They should make time for exercising and following heathy diet. In conclusion, although increasing price of fast food may reduce amount of obese people, there are several better ways to do that.
On the one hand, it is true that increasing cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
may deal with obesity.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as the main meal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule.
As a result
, when cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is increased
, they would switch from eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to home-cooked meals, which would save their money. Second, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more expensive would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun students is countable.
less
students or low income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that.
For example
, in Vietnam, we will eat street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
if cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is higher.
Therefore
, this solution seems reasonable.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
better solutions could
be introduced
. On the governmental level, states should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health. By building more sport centers and parks, citizens have more area for physical activities such as walking, running, … It would be futile without each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
actively
taking care better of their fitness. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for exercising and following
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
diet.

In conclusion
, although increasing price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
amount of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are several better ways to do that.
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IELTS essay Increasing taxon fast food

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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