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Do you think most people are happy at their jobs?

Do you think most people are happy at their jobs? pX2Gm
You know, this is a personal opinion and I know many people are still happy at their jobs. First, I would mention that “passion”. It means you just work happily if you have a passion for it. But I see that almost 60% of people work to make money to take care of themselves and help their parents, including me. There is a well - known statement: Only when you work with your passion can you happily enjoy 8 hours of work each day. Have you ever asked the question? Why don’t we choose a job which we love? . Actually, these jobs don't bring a stable income and are affected by many objective factors. However it still gives many joyful things in our life. Second, in fact a lot of students choose a major according to trends or parent's expectations. Until they go to work, they realize these jobs don't fit with them which make them stuffy. Third, If you type closed people, it is hard to get along with the office environment. It also is one of the reasons for not being interested in going to work. Besides, working in an unimaginative and lethargic situation also makes you bored. (Finally, instead of negative thoughts we should think about good values for your life. Giving your best effort to keep your passion. )
You know, this is a personal opinion and I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
happy at their jobs.

First
, I would mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“passion”
. It means you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
happily
if you have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that almost 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money to take care of themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents, including me.

There is a well
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
known statement:
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
can you
happily
enjoy 8 hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
each day.

Have you ever asked the question? Why don’t we choose a job which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Actually, these jobs don't bring a stable income and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
objective factors.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it
still
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
joyful things in our life.

Second, in fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
students choose a major according to trends or parent's expectations. Until they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they realize these jobs don't fit with them which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them stuffy.

Third, If you type closed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with the office environment. It
also
is one of the reasons for not
being interested
in going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Besides
, working in an unimaginative and lethargic situation
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you bored.

(
Finally
,
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values for your life. Giving your best effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passion
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
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IELTS essay Do you think most people are happy at their jobs?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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