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Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks?

Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. What are the drawbacks? BpA9
Nowadays many students are migrating to foreign countries to study. This trend certainly aids students to experience a better lifestyle and also makes a nation proud of their citizens, if they represent their country but there will also be some drawbacks. One obvious advantage to the student would be that they would understand the value of hard work. In other words, when they go overseas, a number of students do part-time jobs to support themselves financially. Consequently, they would learn to manage their budget along with attaining stability in their life. Moreover, the countries, which provide education to international students, also get benefitted by collecting their tuition fees. For example, a study found that 33% of Australia’s revenue comes from overseas students. Despite of their advantages, there are some drawbacks worth considering. Firstly, students who go to foreign countries to study, would have to adapt to the new environment. They not only have to understand the cultural and linguistic difference but also have to cope with the financial problems. Secondly, there social life would be adversely affected in the process of adjusting to the new culture. Lastly, the native countries would lack skilled people in their country which would affect nation growth indirectly. For instance, when my friend went to Sydney to pursue his master’s degree, he struggled to adapt to their environment for few days and later he got used to it. In conclusion, although there are some plus points for studying in abroad for students and the countries providing education, the problems faced during adjusting to new culture by the students and origin country losing talented people is undeniable.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are migrating to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to study. This trend
certainly
aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to experience a better lifestyle and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a nation proud of their citizens, if they represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

One obvious advantage to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
would be that they would understand the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
In other words
, when they go overseas, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do part-time jobs to support themselves
financially
.
Consequently
, they would learn to manage their budget along with attaining stability in their life.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which provide education to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
by collecting their tuition fees.
For example
, a study found that 33% of Australia’s revenue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from overseas students.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
their advantages, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks worth considering.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who go to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to study, would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt to the new environment. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand the cultural and linguistic difference
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with the financial problems.
Secondly
, there social life would be
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in the process of adjusting to the new culture.
Lastly
, the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would lack skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which would affect nation growth
indirectly
.
For instance
, when my friend went to Sydney to pursue his master’s degree, he struggled to adapt to their environment for few days and later he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plus points for studying in abroad for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
providing education, the problems faced during adjusting to new culture by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
losing talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
undeniable.
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IELTS essay Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. What are the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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