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Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks? v.6

Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. What are the drawbacks? v. 6
There is no denying to the fact that architecture requires thorough analysis into both the practicality and aestheticism, the determining factors of the existence of a construction. Several people believe that the function and utility of buildings can play a more essential role than the design outside of buildings. However, I believe that the design of the exterior of buildings and utility both of them are important factors for customers and architectures. The prime reason for the importance of the exterior design of buildings lies in the fact that demanding magnificent buildings for various workplaces and occupation such as engineering and art are more. More specifically, different architectures are used for different purposes. As an example, people who want to establish a company need to have a magnificent and attractive building because they attract more customers; therefore, companies can improve their business. On the other hand, The functions of buildings are a significant factor for people. The buildings should accommodation crucial needs of owners and residents. In more detail the vital factor of a building’s function is safety, the buildings should be durable and sturdy that residents can have a sense of safety all the time especially when natural disasters happen such as earthquakes and storms. Furthermore, because of the growing technology utility of buildings increase dramatically compare with the past; for example, high ended buildings have become more useful and modern buildings with high architecture, function and safety have many facilities such as the elevator, parking lot and railings for wheelchairs, so The service of the buildings is so important factor. In conclusion, both utility and exterior design are essential factors, so we can ignore none of them.
There is no denying to the fact that architecture requires thorough analysis into both the practicality and aestheticism, the determining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
of the existence of a construction. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can play a more essential role than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
However
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
of the exterior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
both of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for customers and architectures.

The prime reason for the importance of the exterior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
lies in the fact that demanding magnificent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
for various workplaces and occupation such as engineering and art are more.

More
specifically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
architectures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes. As an example,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
need to have a magnificent and attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they attract more customers;
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their business.

On the other hand
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
functions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should accommodation crucial needs of owners and residents. In more detail the vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
is safety, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should be durable and sturdy that residents can have a sense of safety all the time
especially
when natural disasters happen such as earthquakes and storms.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
increase
dramatically
compare with the past;
for example
, high ended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
have become more useful and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
with high architecture,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
and safety have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities such as the elevator, parking lot and railings for wheelchairs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
The service of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
utility
and exterior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
design
are essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
none of them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. What are the drawbacks? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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